(Quick notes to self, more than anything else, because I'm clearly not going to get this done any other way. Self-injury discussion; breathing stuff.)
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This post brought to you by having hit the point in the evening where I'm picking fights on tumblr.
This post brought to you by having hit the point in the evening where I'm picking fights on tumblr.
Smoke exposure on my way into work again. It hurts to breathe again. It has been the case, two days running, that the people I've asked to kindly consider not smoking at the top of the ramp into the building, within 5m of the building entrance, have looked baffled and disgusted at me and not even bothered to make a verbal response, so that was a load of exposing myself further for precisely 0 gain.
Which means I am getting around to typing up this rant.
If you smoke in public, you are the reason I can't leave the house safely, where by "safely" I mean "without ending up coughing and wincing with every single breath for a week".
Here is a partial list of things that prompt me to alter my breathing patterns in public, just in case, because I can't really afford to be incautious:
If you smoke near building entrances, you're the reason I can't safely walk down the street or get into work. If you smoke near bus stops or stations, you're the reason I can't safely use public transport. If you smoke in public parks or while walking between destinations, you are the reason I can't safely use or occupy those spaces. If you smoke in public but only when you're not around me you are still the goddamn problem, and I shouldn't have to spell out why for you. If you smoke in public, you are the fucking reason I can't leave the house or even open windows safely, and I hope you feel fucking awful about it.
Which means I am getting around to typing up this rant.
If you smoke in public, you are the reason I can't leave the house safely, where by "safely" I mean "without ending up coughing and wincing with every single breath for a week".
Here is a partial list of things that prompt me to alter my breathing patterns in public, just in case, because I can't really afford to be incautious:
- people standing at bus stops
- people standing outside tube stations
- people standing near building entrances
- people sitting at tables outside cafes
- people waiting at pedestrian crossings
- wind (because it means I need to be further away from any smokers to be safe)
- absence of wind (because it means that smoke doesn't disperse as rapidly)
- people getting their phones out of their pocket
- people getting anything out of their pocket
- people using their phones while walking
- people gesturing while talking to friends
- people walking abreast across a pavement
- et fucking cetera
If you smoke near building entrances, you're the reason I can't safely walk down the street or get into work. If you smoke near bus stops or stations, you're the reason I can't safely use public transport. If you smoke in public parks or while walking between destinations, you are the reason I can't safely use or occupy those spaces. If you smoke in public but only when you're not around me you are still the goddamn problem, and I shouldn't have to spell out why for you. If you smoke in public, you are the fucking reason I can't leave the house or even open windows safely, and I hope you feel fucking awful about it.
Content notes for fucking eliminationism, ableism, classism, libertarian-fuck-all-y'all-ism. Also I kind of lost it and was actually rude to someone (see Ten Good Things yesterday...)
Because uh this just happened.
[TS] [me] and [someone else] have posted this already. I wonder if some people would only be happy if "benefits claimants" were just flogged regularly. Of course some of them might enjoy a good flogging, so even this policy would still result in a PERVERSE INCENTIVE. IDS outlines plans for pre-paid benefits cards
[TS] Please note I neither promote or condemn the policy in question. However opportunities to make BDSM / econ puns are too few to make up. Bonus points if you can think up others. If you don't get it please learn more about BDSM and/or economics.
[EH] Can't see any immediate objection to this policy. Money received as welfare isn't the recipient's money, it's money that's been forcibly taken from taxpayers. As such, it doesn't seem entirely unfair that the taxpayers should, if they endorse this policy, apply some constraints on how that money is ultimately spent.
[me] Hi, [E]. I'm in receipt of disability benefits and have, at various points, been in receipt of housing benefit inter alia. Without the NHS and benefits I would probably be dead. Without the ability to spend the benefits I receive in the ways that are appropriate to my situation, I would probably be dead. It is helpful to have examples of people like you to point at when others think I'm overreacting by saying that there are people in this country, including in government, who _literally want me dead_.
[me] tl;dr die in a fucking fire, you compasionless self-absorbed piece of shit, _wow_
Because uh this just happened.
[TS] [me] and [someone else] have posted this already. I wonder if some people would only be happy if "benefits claimants" were just flogged regularly. Of course some of them might enjoy a good flogging, so even this policy would still result in a PERVERSE INCENTIVE. IDS outlines plans for pre-paid benefits cards
[TS] Please note I neither promote or condemn the policy in question. However opportunities to make BDSM / econ puns are too few to make up. Bonus points if you can think up others. If you don't get it please learn more about BDSM and/or economics.
[EH] Can't see any immediate objection to this policy. Money received as welfare isn't the recipient's money, it's money that's been forcibly taken from taxpayers. As such, it doesn't seem entirely unfair that the taxpayers should, if they endorse this policy, apply some constraints on how that money is ultimately spent.
[me] Hi, [E]. I'm in receipt of disability benefits and have, at various points, been in receipt of housing benefit inter alia. Without the NHS and benefits I would probably be dead. Without the ability to spend the benefits I receive in the ways that are appropriate to my situation, I would probably be dead. It is helpful to have examples of people like you to point at when others think I'm overreacting by saying that there are people in this country, including in government, who _literally want me dead_.
[me] tl;dr die in a fucking fire, you compasionless self-absorbed piece of shit, _wow_
no. go away.
Sep. 17th, 2014 11:30 am"Stemettes" is an absolutely terrible term to use for female undergraduates in STEM fields. No. Wow. Inarticulate fury.
[fuck all of the things]
Sep. 7th, 2014 04:23 pmI applied for a disabled person's railcard, as "Mx Alex B[]", for the obvious reasons. I gave my gender as male because they forced a binary choice and it's a different kind of wrong (and one I'm more willing to tolerate).
There was a silent failure, which I found out about only because I did some serious chasing to check up on progress.
The silent failure was because my proof of eligibility is in the form of a letter from the DWP, who refuse to address me as anything other than "Ms E[] KA B[]". Apparently also including a scan of my passport won't do the trick. Apparently I must apply with "the correct details". Apparently they won't print the railcard as Alex rather than E[] if I apply with the "correct" details.
I am too fucking tired for this.
ETA I am sending them a slightly intemperate e-mail full of documentation that I am who I say I am, and that my name is what I say it is. I used the words "please consider this e-mail a formal complaint", and also "from a security viewpoint ... your position is indefensible". I do not expect it to effect change, but I do at least feel a bit better.
There was a silent failure, which I found out about only because I did some serious chasing to check up on progress.
The silent failure was because my proof of eligibility is in the form of a letter from the DWP, who refuse to address me as anything other than "Ms E[] KA B[]". Apparently also including a scan of my passport won't do the trick. Apparently I must apply with "the correct details". Apparently they won't print the railcard as Alex rather than E[] if I apply with the "correct" details.
I am too fucking tired for this.
ETA I am sending them a slightly intemperate e-mail full of documentation that I am who I say I am, and that my name is what I say it is. I used the words "please consider this e-mail a formal complaint", and also "from a security viewpoint ... your position is indefensible". I do not expect it to effect change, but I do at least feel a bit better.
fuck. yes.
Sep. 3rd, 2014 03:41 ammy hands and shoulders hate me - as well they might, I spent most of yesterday pipetting and a startling amount of today typing - but I have DONE THE THINGS. Or at least first drafts of the things. And I think I found something out earlier this week at around this time of the morning. And I have an alarm going off in four hours in order to get the next batch of chemistry done so I can keel over without feeling guilty tomorrow evening (seriously if I am not in bed by 8pm local PLEASE shout at me) before, um, Thursday + Friday on the mass spec. (which if I feel proper rotten tomorrow morning I will convert to friday+saturday, saturday's currently free, so I can do that no penalties).
i am the human being of only-wanting-to-set-CHX-on-fire-about-twice, probably-has-an-appointment-before-2015, holy-crap-the-wait-for-phlebotomy-was-preposterous.
BUT. I have lunch ready to go for tomorrow, i have washed my water bottle so it's usable, I should... really put my wheels on to charge, wow, no way am I walking anywhere worth a damn tomorrow, I can still write terrible code when half-asleep, I've tamed the work inbox to some degree, head of group apparently likes the short piece of writing I have done on thallium+lead=bffs???, and I have SENT OFF A FIRST DRAFT OF THE POSTER. Which, er, I need to print on Monday. did I mention my supervisor's on a boat somewhere off the coast of Taiwan working 12-hour shifts with fuck-all internet? yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. did I also mention I was supposed to have this two her by the 21st of August? yeah, well, medication happened, it was a bit shit, this is kind of why I'm thinking about going part-time. on the upside, I wasn't supposed to have the lead+thallium doc to her til the 11th, but that's already happened...
... and it was sunny and I ate fantastic food with![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sebastienne and geeked gender and reading and brains and life goals and fanfic and shit and it was pretty awesome, and i made pasta bake for dinner, and I should really do the washing up again one of these weeks before my housemate entirely justifiedly ( stream-of-consciousness glib metaphorical murder??? ) (either my s key' gone very sticky or my hands are even more fucked than i thought) (wrist braces + antiinflammatory gel tonight OH my) and I read a bunch of tiny bit of fiction by queer PoC so that was pretty awesome
and i have taken bedmeds and, via hand-care, SLEEP.
ps i still really like Scribus
also feel free to place bets on how long it takes me to disappear into avoidance and pretending i don't have a work e-mail address again
i am the human being of only-wanting-to-set-CHX-on-fire-about-twice, probably-has-an-appointment-before-2015, holy-crap-the-wait-for-phlebotomy-was-preposterous.
BUT. I have lunch ready to go for tomorrow, i have washed my water bottle so it's usable, I should... really put my wheels on to charge, wow, no way am I walking anywhere worth a damn tomorrow, I can still write terrible code when half-asleep, I've tamed the work inbox to some degree, head of group apparently likes the short piece of writing I have done on thallium+lead=bffs???, and I have SENT OFF A FIRST DRAFT OF THE POSTER. Which, er, I need to print on Monday. did I mention my supervisor's on a boat somewhere off the coast of Taiwan working 12-hour shifts with fuck-all internet? yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. did I also mention I was supposed to have this two her by the 21st of August? yeah, well, medication happened, it was a bit shit, this is kind of why I'm thinking about going part-time. on the upside, I wasn't supposed to have the lead+thallium doc to her til the 11th, but that's already happened...
... and it was sunny and I ate fantastic food with
sebastienne and geeked gender and reading and brains and life goals and fanfic and shit and it was pretty awesome, and i made pasta bake for dinner, and I should really do the washing up again one of these weeks before my housemate entirely justifiedly ( stream-of-consciousness glib metaphorical murder??? ) (either my s key' gone very sticky or my hands are even more fucked than i thought) (wrist braces + antiinflammatory gel tonight OH my) and I read a bunch of tiny bit of fiction by queer PoC so that was pretty awesomeand i have taken bedmeds and, via hand-care, SLEEP.
ps i still really like Scribus
also feel free to place bets on how long it takes me to disappear into avoidance and pretending i don't have a work e-mail address again
I loathe & detest medical waiting rooms
Aug. 6th, 2014 09:18 amFuckin' radio talk shows. In particular, at the moment we've got dudes saying shit like "doesn't matter if it's offensive as long as it's funny" and "... the experience of being a teenage boy, which I think everyone can identify with -- well, more if you're a boy I guess".
( Lung stuff. )
( Lung stuff. )
CN: difficulty with breathing, all the ongoing stuff.
( Read more... )
eta sent, having checked in with about five different people over a variety of media; please feel free to make reassuring noises at me.
( Read more... )
eta sent, having checked in with about five different people over a variety of media; please feel free to make reassuring noises at me.
In all seriousness
Jul. 15th, 2014 02:08 pmwho the hell am I supposed to contact given:
... because this isn't actually sustainable. I can't do my job without entering the building; I can't enter the building without getting poisoned, and if I were actually on a contract I'd be seriously thinking about constructive dismissal, but that's not how PhD stipends work.
(No, really, at least two hundred metres of corridor and the entire central stairwell are currently not actually usable by me without causing damage. The only mostly-safe route to my areas of work has no working lifts. I literally cannot get to my desk +wheelchair without exposure, or to my lab at all unless I time breathing very carefully. As for getting to my desk without chair, it's about six flights of stairs, which isn't sustainable given my joints. It is shit.)
- smokers are (illegally!) rendering my building so toxic that I can't actually enter/exit it without rendering myself unable to breathe
- an initial e-mail 4 months ago to disability services & building manager has resulted in no useful follow-up, and nor have the two most recent chasing e-mails
... because this isn't actually sustainable. I can't do my job without entering the building; I can't enter the building without getting poisoned, and if I were actually on a contract I'd be seriously thinking about constructive dismissal, but that's not how PhD stipends work.
(No, really, at least two hundred metres of corridor and the entire central stairwell are currently not actually usable by me without causing damage. The only mostly-safe route to my areas of work has no working lifts. I literally cannot get to my desk +wheelchair without exposure, or to my lab at all unless I time breathing very carefully. As for getting to my desk without chair, it's about six flights of stairs, which isn't sustainable given my joints. It is shit.)
I have been out of the house barely an hour. In that time:
In conclusion: set everything on fire, ESPECIALLY SMOKERS. Yes, it will lead to a brief increase in the problem, but it will also be a temporary increase. When I rule the world, the penalty for smoking in public space will in fact be instant immolation. </astonishingly grouchy>
- I have been reminded that the type of bus that serves the route I generally use to get into work is REALLY badly set up in terms of wheelchair access - if there are people in the seats opposite the wheelchair bay, the only way to get in (and I have a light, readily manoueverable chair!) is to reverse extremely cautiously round the awkward grab rail while they tuck their feet right in.
- Fucking smokers at the top of the ramp that is my one sensible entrance into my building by the fucking doors with the fucking no smoking sign in addition to the fact that it's simply fucking outright illegal to smoke there. Normally I cope better; as it is I've already had one exposure this week (That One Gent seriously needs to either do the thing he keeps saying he will and quit OR at minimum sodding tell me if he has smoked in the 24 hours prior to seeing me so I don't have to find out by developing uncontrollable coughing fits + sensitisation lasting days) and as such I was kind of rude, to the tune of "I have a significant cigarette smoke allergy and this is my one sensible route into the building; it would be great if you would comply with the law and not smoke near doors." ("Sorry," he said, "but there's all these schoolchildren," gesturing to the side of the steps where people usually congregate to smoke illegally. "AND AN ENTIRE REST OF THE ROAD," I said, with sweeping gesture behind me.)
- The fucking lift into my fucking building is fucking broken afuckinggain and nobody bothered to fucking e-mail me about it. I would care less apart from the fact that my alternate route involves retracing steps past at least one awkward sodding door, followed by a bunch of doors that you have to PULL UPHILL to open having RELEASED THE CATCH WITH YOUR CARD.
- AND. THE SMOKERS ON THE FRONT STEPS AT THE FRONT OF MY ACTUAL BUILDING. THE ENTRANCE I CAN'T USE, BECAUSE STEPS. WERE BEING SO UNUTTERABLY VILE THAT THE CENTRAL STAIRWELL ON THE SECOND FLOOR IS NOT CURRENTLY SAFE FOR ME TO USE, DESPITE BEING THE ONLY ROUTE BY WHICH I CAN ACCESS MY WORKSPACE.
In conclusion: set everything on fire, ESPECIALLY SMOKERS. Yes, it will lead to a brief increase in the problem, but it will also be a temporary increase. When I rule the world, the penalty for smoking in public space will in fact be instant immolation. </astonishingly grouchy>
As it is I have improved it with Pimms, Lashings, and an imminent Lashings performance.
Most of the details are tedious and involve buses and racists and ableism. The following, however, is what actually spilled the day over into FLAMETHROWER.
Most of the details are tedious and involve buses and racists and ableism. The following, however, is what actually spilled the day over into FLAMETHROWER.
... as per all of my previous e-mails - see the reference number - I was unable to pay online because of the obligatory title field which *does not list my title* (which every other member of customer support has managed to use: "Mx" is NOT a typo).
When I phoned up I should NOT have been unable to pay for the item: it is a customs item NOT tracked, so should have been held for 21 days, not 18 days.
I am really, really unhappy with the service I have received from you collectively. I appreciate this is not your fault but I do think you should do something to make up for the fact that:
* the delivery card was originally misdelivered to X [Name] Mews rather than X [Name] Street
* the tracking number was illegible
* I was unable to pay online because of your appallingly bad (and transphobic!) form implementation required me to use a title but did not offer my preferred title
* I was unable to collect in person because I am disabled
* I was unable to phone immediately because my combined disabilities
make phonecalls incredibly stressful for me, even without all of the above
* when I DID phone, I was unable to pay *even though I was calling
within 21 days* because your phone structure doesn't take account of the fact that I was calling about a Customs item, with no option to talk to a human who might have been able to sort things out
* I immediately e-mailed you and have spent over a week waiting for
responses, during which time you have returned my item to sender.
I have given you ALL of this information SEVERAL times.
I am really, really unhappy.
-a.
