kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
... actually starts at KGX, where we rocked up nice and early and had lunch at Dishoom (Indian food, uncomfortable colonialism chic [I stand corrected, see comments], very hip, generally highly recommended for the food incl. by some of our relevant friends), on the grounds that A had not been there, followed by dessert at Ruby Violet, because it was right there, followed by cheerfully jumping all the (utterly miserable) Eurostar queues and inviting ourselves into the business lounge. (Sort of. The person checking me in told us we could use it, so I went and told the doorman that, and he was all "..." and checked with his superior and we were waved in). Whereupon I established (thanks to A) that the developed-as-a-symbol-of-Anglo-French in-collaboration-with-Raymond-Blanc Eurostar-21st-birthday-special gin goes really very well with fizzy rhubarb drink.

Between all of that and the light meal served us on the Eurostar we did not in fact require dinner. Also, we were very tired. Via a slight detour around the sculptures Les Marines and a decorative bench at the Gare de Lyon, we got into the hotel (the chair just about fits into the lift and through the door to the room) and curled up on the bed and watched an episode of Elementary and ate some more of the raspberry-and-treacle tart we picked up cheap in Waitrose the night before and fell asleep and it was great.

Today we achieved breakfast at the boulangerie just over the road (A had not previously met the tiny pistachio-and-raspberry financiers and is a convert), walked from our hotel all the way over to the flea market, poked around there with mild amusement for a little bit, acquired some entirely cromulent pasta-and-pizza for lunch because Hungry, got the bus over to État Libre d'Orange, indulged me in some perfume, and then wandered very slowly back to the hotel again. (We set off around 5:30 and had declared that Dinner And An Early Night would be a good idea. We... finished our bibimbap round the corner from the hotel at 9:30, and got in fairly recently. We were slow in part because A has blistered feet & I have blistered hands, and in part because Pokemon.)

I have been absolutely delighted by the dates in all the paving; the art; the Viaduct Of Art including this preposterous furniture and particularly the Square 38 desk nonsense; the churches various, some of them in the middle of terraces and some of them by themselves, and especially the beautiful clocks designed to match the rose window; the ironwork and doors, everywhere; the duck house in the gardens. I have learned A Thing about Parisian buses, as well, which is that unlike London the route maps have a symbol indicating if a stop is inaccessible (i.e. there isn't space to safely get the ramp out), which is useful, especially as we're intending to mostly do public transport tomorrow, see above re blisters on our motive extremities.

At ÉLdO, I ended up acquiring a small bottle of Tom of Finland (because A went "oooooooh" when I waved the paper strip at him, and obviously I need to expand my collection of woody leathers), plus samples of The Afternoon of the Faun and Putain des Palaces. I also ended up trying on Je Suis Un Homme; amusingly, it starts out smelling like I've spilled orange essence on myself and ends up a slightly odd powdery leather, which I think is mostly the fault of my skin not enjoying patchouli much. This is a Bit Of A Disappointment given how much I love the bergamot in Penhaligon's Endymion, but ah well.

Also smelled: Rien Incense Intense (much smokier; A definitely prefers Rien itself and I think I probably do too); Antiheros, indeed v lavender; Attaquer le Soleil Marquis de Sade, which smelled on the strip exactly like Rien does on me and is therefore gorgeous but of limited interest; Eau de Protection, which was a powdery rose; You Or Someone Like You, a rather aggressive apple made interesting through rose and mint and general cold freshness; and, of course, Sécretions Magnifique, famed for giving [personal profile] rydra_wong nightmares. Disappointingly, on the strip it seemed to me pretty much a slightly odd metallic tang; I didn't quite dare put it actually on my skin to see what it did.

Irritatingly, looking at the full note listing I realise Putain des Palaces contains lily-of-the-valley so I'm almost certainly allergic to it, so once I've tested it I'm likely to be looking to give it away -- shout if interested!

On the upside, despite not having properly done my homework in advance, I think the only thing I'm particularly sad about not having smelled is the cologne -- and given that I've already got four of them (... or is it five?), I think I can manage not adding another to my collection...
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
A'ight folk it turns out I'm mildly allergic to the carrier oil BPAL uses, alas, and consequently I am finally getting around to a destash. I have not yet looked up current prices for everything but the only thing I'm particularly precious about is the March Hare. Otherwise, you lot get first shot at Making Me An Offer (or indeed straight-up expressing interest - I am very likely willing to gift things) before I stick everything on the forums; I mostly want to not be lugging it around and am v happy to do 3-5 frimps with every 5ml bottle. BEAR IN MIND that getting to the post office is a somewhat Difficult thing for me, so it might be a little while before stuff goes into the post, but you Will Get It.

Almost everything here was acquired (by me, not originally) in 2012-2013; I'm happy to use Teflon tape or not on bottles for shipping; recycled padded envelopes + bubble wrap are the order of the day.

The list... )
kaberett: Clyde the tortoise from Elementary, crawling across a map, with a red tape cross on his back. (elementary-emergency-clyde)
(Quick notes to self, more than anything else, because I'm clearly not going to get this done any other way. Self-injury discussion; breathing stuff.)

Read more... )
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
Comme des Garcons Series 2 Red: Sequoia. This goes on good cognac (and nothing else); during early stages of drydown develops an undercurrent of rotting wood and loam. It turns into hot sap and soil and a slightly crunchy layer of conifer needles underfoot on a hot day; it is glorious and therefore, naturally, discontinued. I will be keeping an eye on eBay for bottles of this.

+4 )
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
1. Serge Lutens Daim Blond. I have been curious about this for, like, ever (or at least a while), because it's described as iris, apricots, musk, hawthorne, white suede. I really, really wish I liked it; on my it goes through a brief phase of being beautifully ripe and luscious fresh apricots, and then it goes... confusing. Confusing and cheap bubblebath. Perfumes says of it:
Unlike traditional leathers such as Tabu and Tabac Blond, which have felt rich and warm, Daim Blond (meaning suede, and not, as it sounds, an accursed towhead) feels arid and cool, a hollowed-out osmanthus-like idea of peach and leather but no soapy center; it unfolds a spare, long-fingered form whose intentions seem to mark a departure from the more straightforward orientalist scents of the Lutens range so far.
... and seems to be ever the case with Perfumes, whatever the hell their skin chemistry is doing to scents is not the same as mine. Because this? This is bubblebath and digestive biscuit crumbs.

+more )
kaberett: Malachite structure strongly resembling cock & balls (geococks)
"... that is quite the loveliest lemon-flavoured cleaning product I have ever met."


(... of which I continue unfortunately fond...)

Today has been a good day.
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
The other weekend I was killing time at KGX/St Pancras with D; our wanderings took us through an expensive chocolate shop, several book shops, and a branch of Jo Malone, where I picked up four sample strips and tried two perfumes on the skin.
  • Lime, Basil & Mandarin was Your Citrus Friend in ways that weren't sufficiently exciting to me for me to want to try it on the skin. (I have many citrus friends.)
  • Earl Grey & Cucumber was fascinating, in a very... cucumberish sort of a way. This is something I am contemplating trying on the skin next time I hang around, precisely because it's not a flavour combination I'd really considered before and... yeah. Wow, etc. Out of cowardice that this would go weird on me, it's again not something I actually tried. (Well, that and I was running out of skin by this point.)
  • Blackberry & Bay is one I tried on. Sadly it wasn't as interesting as I'd hoped and went through a prolonged bubble-bath stage in dry-down; it ends up somewhere in the vicinity of BPAL's Glasgow, of which I already own a bottle, so I definitely won't be acquiring any of that.
  • Wood, Sage & Sea Salt I adored. Ended up mostly as slightly tangy woods, but I was completely sold - it is a very "me" sort of scent. Which means I've got a lot that's quite like it and I therefore need to think very carefully before considering an actual purchase, and on the other hand I'm fairly sure the thing I was wanting to wear yesterday was, er, this, so... heh.

I'm also finally getting around to my latest BPALs (Metamorphoses and a Neil Gaiman decant circle).
  • Red-Spotted Purple wants to be your overenthusiastic citrus-scented cleaning-product friend. It is described as "white thyme, yuzu fruit, hinoki wood, blue cedar, white carnation, plum rind, white mandarin, and lime-tinted white musk." On wet, it is yuzu fruit all over, and then the thyme starts coming through. I tend to amp BPAL's white musk and indeed that shows up pretty early in drydown (within 5 minutes or so), but the yuzu is holding its own here in a way that impresses me. On me it is sharper and less juicy-mandarin than it is in the bottle: it ends up at your overenthusiastic citrus-scented cleaning-product friend that wants to cut people on your behalf. I am glad I got a half-bottle. ;)
  • The Other Hot Chocolate I wore a few days ago; "even though she knew she would like it she could not bring herself to taste the hot chocolate." It is rich and smooth and velvety and exactly what I wanted. Comforting in a slightly sinister way, though the lurking sense of threat might just be the name.

Don't quite the energy to tackle the rest of them (I've also got Lacus Solitudinis and Goatweed Leafwing from Metamorphosis; The Cat from NG; and sniffies of prototypes of two iterations of Butterscotch Balls & Black Beetles; two iterations of Silas; The Other Hot Chocolate; and The Beldam. If I'm feeling really competent, I'll write up comparisons of TOHCs and BB&BBs...)
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
Today I made friends with some new perfumes on my way through John Lewis, on which very brief notes.
  • Bulgari Jasmin Noir: unpleasant bubble bath, fading to mild but non-descript bubble bath. Perfume says "** Noir is the new silly. This is the sort of industrial-strength, thickly scored, too-many-cookes (four perfumers, apparently) composition the French call une soupe. TS describes the genre as cough-syrup ice cream, and I agree." Unlike Bulgari Black, doesn't simply turn into vanilla cookies on me.
  • Guerlain Shalimar: goes on very strong, fades to quite a pleasant vanilla with something a little medicinally wholesome around the edges. Unnoticeable except right up against my skin, a couple of hours on; on me, it is entirely unclear why Perfume gives it five stars (but then they give two stars to a bunch of stuff that's nuanced and exquisite on me, so! Skin chemistry...)
  • Guerlain Shalimar Initial: described by the counter staff as "lighter, more rose". Well, maybe, but it went on uninspiring and has faded away to pretty much nothing. Underwhelming first foray into Guerlain.
  • Penhaligon's Lothair (linked because actual notes listed): thing that grabbed me most today. Amazing on the testing strip and in the bottle. It goes on very green on me, with the fig milk obvious; unfortunately I seem to amp juniper so it spends the first few hours just smelling like I've bathed in gin. Some time on, it's instead vanilla and lightly burned toast with a hint of bitter greens and, yes, tea. Alas it is probably not nice enough on me to buy any, but once again I am kind of tempted towards scent lockets...

Other adornment-related snippets: Lush Christmas release apparently hits shops on the 3rd of October, whereupon I will pounce on a large bottle of Rose Jam, if it is rereleased this year. There is going to be an enormous Lush store (biggest in world, containing spa, etc) opening on Oxford Street in March. And METALLIC TEAL LIQUID EYELINER.
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
So I've not been so desperately into BPAL since I acquired an interest in trad niche perfumery, but despite having not actually seen the film and having no intention to a decant circle for Only Lovers Left Alive caught my attention -- specifically, Hal, which is described as
saffron-infused bourbon vanilla, blackened honey, Kashmir wood, Atlas cedar, ambrette seed, hay, and Egyptian jasmine absolute
. Caveat: I used a jasmine-scented shower gel recently, so I'm likely to amp that note at the moment, but I'd quite like to get a sense of what this is like. So!

Before it starts interacting with my skin, this does actually smell like a warm barn with honeyed vanilla over the top. No, really, like a barn with hay stacked up to the roof because the summer mowing's just been baled up and stored but we haven't yet got anywhere near autumn. Straight on, it's saffron & jasmine, sweeted by honey & vanilla around the edges but nonetheless trying to do the cat-pee thing. And - oh damn - once again the BPAL jasmine is making my lungs unhappy. I was sort of hoping that wouldn't apply to this note every time they used it (it's not a problem with every jasmine scent ever - see above re shower gel, but also re some of my niche perfumes - the jasmine in ELdO's Fils de Dieu and Tauer's Lonestar Memories are both fine! - though I suppose in the case of the latter it might be because the thing just goes straight to WD40 on me).

First dry, it's almost cloyingly floral - you know the way novels sometimes go on about clouds of night-blooming jasmine hanging heavy in the humid air? That. Also some of it is trying to bubble-bath on me (again, this is something that BPAL perfumes unfortunately seem prone to do on me), but the cat piss is gone. There is still an edge - I think it's the saffron - but I'm not really getting the hay any more, nor anything convincing of the woods. There's something a bit green and composty?

kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
The sky's beginning to turn deep blue. I appear, accidentally, to be watching sunrise around a solstice again, more or less.

Here are some things that have happened: yesterday, I finally (finally) got 24-hour access to our buildings; this was supposed to have been granted back when I started. And in spite of the fact that I was in the middle of a mass spec run, I actually managed to head home from work before 8pm; and my first use of the access was getting in at 6.45am to check on how my run was going (my machine time technically finished yesterday, but today's user wasn't going to get started til 10am, which gave me a solid 12 hours for an overnight run even if I'd got it started late), and the answer was good and I have data and tasty TASTY data.

I spent a significant chunk of the day sorting out the data-from-the-machine into something useful in my master spreadsheet; another chunk messing about with some of my incredibly shonky python; some on final tweaks to the transfer report (still need to write some and replot some graphs then send it off tomorrow, oops); and yet another on a flurry of e-mails about the solid month of labwork I've got planned once I return from the US trip, along with sitting around with my supervisor being excitable about rocks. I've got ten grams of a mica previously analysed as containing 550 parts per billion (ppb) of thallium; bear in mind that the average concentration of thallium in the mantle is ~2ppb, and most of my samples have concentrations around 30ppb. For these typical samples, 100 milligrams is enough to get three to six measurements out of -- what on Earth we're going to do with ten grams of 550ppb I am not entirely sure and nor's my supervisor, but that's the smallest quantity they'd sell it us in. (Exciting times in analytical terms, incidentally: of the three sample sets I'm wanting to shove through chemistry in July, #1 is of direct and immediate relevance to the PhD in terms of being actual data relating to the central question; #2 is tangentially related and getting me second authorship on a paper that's basically ready to go apart from firming up the numbers; and #3 is a set of geological reference materials nobody's measured my element-of-interest in properly before, which (1) have direct relevance to the PhD in terms of helping work out why I'm seeing what I'm seeing in the whole-rock samples, and (2) will make a nice little technical paper in their own right, which I have hopes of submitting by the end of the year.)

I also spent some time on the phone to Air Canada, who I am finding somewhat infuriating (oh crap, must remember to fill out my visa waiver application...), and was left sufficiently pissed off that I went "buggre all this for a larke" and jumped on a train to Brighton, where my useless ex + the Boything + [personal profile] sebastienne + Entomancy + I ate dinner at Giggling Squid before a subset of us headed off to a gig. [personal profile] sebastienne was there for David Devant & His Spirit Wife; I was there for 30 minutes of Indelicates, and because they were a support act and the rest of the audience were being awful and talking I got to sing along without feeling bad about it. (Also, I am so so SO looking forward to the repeat CNdeliMechs show happening in London in September -- CN Lester, The Indelicates, The Mechanisms as triple headliners, please join me, it'll be fantastic, I'll link to the deets once they've actually been announced...)

-- and then meandered my way home via the last train from Brighton to London, and shenanigans with night buses (I keep thinking I should maybe do something a bit more rigorous than go "I know roughly where I want to go and I'm comfortable navigating by a mix of dead reckoning and Boris map" for the occasions when I get back into London at gone 1 with no idea how to get home except a certainty that I can wing it) and walks: I do still adore walking round central London at 2, 3 in the morning (having said which, highly unusually for me I was wearing a skirt in public today and got noticeably more hassle than usual, though not enough to actually upset me).

Right. Yes. To sleep as the sun is rising, the better to be human when That One Lady gets into town later today...
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
Highlights include: the Dvorak 'cello concerto in the Royal Festival Hall with That One Lady on Thursday night, followed by a late dinner; watching the food I made vanish into people, and especially watching people discover that they really liked food they thought they didn't (and watching the food I'd made mostly vanish in ways that were pleasing); Saturday morning brunch, involving breaking in the new griddle pan; the binders I got from E&C; TOL got me Perfumes: the A-Z guide which I proper squealed over; introducing many, many people; date with That One Gent on Saturday afternoon; P. brought me champagne and strawberries from Paris (he lives there at the moment, to be fair!); the cake came out very well for my first attempt, such that I now feel I've undergone yet another rite of passage; the concert my mother played in on Saturday night, where I got to see my favourite bits of the clan and my favourite small cousins, and medium smallcousin gave me a present into which I actually burst into tears about (it's an ink-and-approximately-watercolour painting she's done of the view out to sea from the steps at the bottom of the garden at the Mouldering Ancestral Pile); I visited C. this morning and was reminded just how much I enjoy spending time with them, and how much I want to spend more; I spent the afternoon sitting in a pub surrounded by a crowd of people talking, and I mostly dozed but had a brilliant time of it; my mother gave me a Scrabble set from the attic of the Mouldering Ancestral Pile plus a stuffed chough plus a jar of blackberry & apple jam; and she fed us more Haus-u.-Hof Torte and Schlag[obers] and strawberries; and we collapsed collectively in helpless giggles on the patio as we sorted out Grossmutti's furs. And I am home with a very dear friend curled up to sleep on my floor and I have drafted an abstract and rediscovered a skirt I am going to love wearing when I have had top surgery (it and nothing else; it is black floaty linen) and I furthermore managed to bring home with me one of my saddle stools so working at my desk is going to be less vile for me. And there was the Elementary finale and I have the Masterchef finale yet to watch and, and and and.

This is not the half of it.

It has not been a terribly quiet weekend, but oh-- it has been so good to me; I have had such a fantastic birthday. Thank you, lots, to absolutely all of you; thank you for making the time to celebrate with me, and I am sorry I didn't give more of it to you, and I'm sorry I couldn't fit you all in, but I had an amazing time and I am grateful and delighted and peaceful and very, very happy. Thank you.
kaberett: a watercolour of a pale gold/salmon honeysuckle blossom against a background of green leaves (honeysuckle)
That One Lady brought her bottle of it along this evening for me to make friends with.

I think it is important that I tell you that normally, she eats spiky. She eats spiky and turns it smooth and sweet and smiley and lovely. Vetiver won't hold on her. Nothing will hold on her.

This is not, in general, at all true of me.

Nonetheless, on TOL Bulgari Black ends up somewhere that she describes as "High Femme Drag".

About this perfume, [personal profile] rydra_wong says:
... this doesn't seem to be stocked in department stores at all here, but is splendidly cheap to buy online. And it has a marvellously tactile bottle, simple and heavy and coated in matte black rubber. And it's another fun one for bizarre reviews; it's notorious for its "burnt rubber" note (anyone who secretly enjoys the smell of petrol at gas stations, this is your scent), but the intense smokiness is derived partly from tea (Lapsang Souchong), and it's also extremely wearable.

In many ways it's close to Dzing!, but the burnt rubber/smoky tea is more upfront (versus Dzing!'s discreet Bandaid note, its ginger/saffron strangeness), and it then turns into a plainer, richer vanilla (whereas Dzing! has vanilla in it but dries down to more of a thin sweet wood/musk). Leather coupled with rubber, obviously. Comfortable kink.

And [personal profile] vass adds to the conversation. The notes of this perfume are, in theory, lapsang souchong, rosewood, bergamot, cedar wood, oak moss, vanilla, amber, sandalwood and musk.

On me, it starts out smelling unabashedly and unavoidably of vodka. No, really, someone opened a bottle of really expensive vodka and let it infuse the air.

And then after five minutes they tipped a bottle of cheap vanilla essence into it.

After ten minutes, it is briefly acrid and smoky, and after half an hour? Pure unadulterated vanilla biscuits, warm out of the oven and satisfyingly buttery, all the way down. Forever.

kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
Note that [personal profile] synecdochic has set up [community profile] smellsgood for those of us that way inclined ;)

Huitieme Art - ciel d'airain )

Serge Lutens - femininite du bois )

Still to go I've got Tauer Orange Star & Lonestar Memories, and Knize Ten, but I'm not particularly feeling in the mood for any of those today (LM turns into WD40 on me - it's hilarious but I'd like to write it up properly) so you get the theoretically femme scents today. ;)
kaberett: Photo of a cassowary with head tilted to one side (cassowary)
... goes through an early phase of unpleasant acridity reminiscent of burning plastic and hothouse flowers in jumbled profusion, before settling on "cheap synthetic handwash".

I assume it has redeeming features on people who aren't me.

(This observation brought to you by trying the sample on my way out of the pharmacy with my prescriptions.)
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] rydra_wong said:
I'd also like to nod to [Tauer's] Phi: Une Rose de Kandahar, which does not fall within the remit of this post (deep almond/apricot/rose), but which does a rare thing with perfumery's obsession with "foreign" lands, namely actually representing some benefit to people in those countries: it's based round a specific rose oil produced in Nangarhar in Afghanistan -- where roses are one of the few viable alternatives to growing opium poppies for small farmers -- and is only available in limited quantities depending on the availability of its raw materials.

Tauer's website says:
HEAD NOTES: Phi starts with a rich fruity line of apricot. An all natural apricot extract with its surprising richness enchants and blends into a cinnamon line and hints of bitter almond, softened by bergamot essential oil.

HEART NOTES: These spices lead over to voluptuous roses in the fragrance heart: Extremely rare rose essential oil with its unique scent of spices, plums and flower petals blends into rose absolute from Bulgaria and hints of Bourbon geranium. The rose petals melt on the skin into a dark tobacco fond, built around an amazing absolute of dried tobacco leaves.

BODY NOTES: The animalic, leathery and woody tobacco opens the ground for a generously dosed layer of patchouli in the base of Phi. Here, woody and gourmand notes melt into hints of animalic lines. Vetiver, vanilla and tonka add richness and brilliance. A generous dose of exclusive musk and amber gris round the body of the fragrance and encircle the roses.

It's currently out of stock until at least the third quarter of the year, but [personal profile] rydra_wong very, very kindly sent me a sample - because "apricot" is Alex-bait, and almond and bergamot are Alex-bait, and plum is Alex-bait, and leather/wood/vetiver/vanilla are all, very much, Alex-bait.

Herein my impressions. )
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
1. I managed to sign up at the Saison Poetry Library and kind of want to just... move in there. Permanently. (As it is I have borrowed two collections of Mary Oliver, and a gorgeous edition of Neruda in parallel translation, Ode to Opposites.)

2. I saw actual sunlight today, more than once. (On Friday I got into work shortly before sunrise, and left shortly after sunset, and spent most of the intervening time in the basement.)

3. I woke up in the same place as a good friend who'd needed somewhere to crash last night, after a lot of awesome restorative sleep, and we made each other breakfast.

4. I got several Useful Errands run, including the final step of my Freedom Pass application (I should now receive one at some point within the next ten days); and posting off two parcels (one paying-it-forward of some books, one returning a thing that means I will get some working scales again, which will be nice).

5. Captain Awkward meet-up, at which I got some cooking done and ate more awesome food from the farmers' market that happens outside the Southbank Centre, including my first ever churros and also my first ever koshari.

6. I continue to mostly really enjoy Mothership (with a few caveats about occasional searing misogyny).

7. The perfume wot [personal profile] noldo gave me recently ("for the discerning Iranian brodude") layers really well over my ridiculous predominantly-jasmine shower gel from Lush, in ways that made me very happy today.

8. I've got a date confirmed to give a poetry reading as part of a cabaret-style show. Eek, but also - this is a thing I want to try; let us see how it goes.

9. I am doing some important and necessary and ultimately, I think, very good brainwork, about what it means to be "hard work" and what circumstances I frame myself as same under and how fair (or, more usually, otherwise) that is to me.

10. DINNER PARTY I got to help cook, and I got to shout cheerfully about sex and flame wars quite a lot, and then on the tube home I had a really good, intense, and sadly-curtailed discussion about consent in mental health treatment, which is very much one I would like to continue.

... and as is the point of these lists, now I've started thinking of good things I keep wanting to cram more in :-) There's a poem trying to happen about this - about how it's viewed as arrogant and self-congratulatory and prideful to give time and space to thinking about things that have gone well, things that one has done well, things that one has enjoyed; where self-flagellation years after the fact about specific incidents lasting less than five minutes isn't something I experience so much general social disapproval of (possibly because I try to keep that particular endless wellspring of shame out of the public eye). A first draft happened but isn't right - there's something: I'm daring to write things that aren't quite right, to trust myself to rework them, to experiment with getting down on paper things that don't insistently nudge their way into my heart and stick there until I coax them out; I'm daring to learn, to make mistakes - but maybe it will see the light of day eventually (along with the poem about emotions as whales).

Yes. Hard and tired but good.


kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)

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