[fuck all of the things]

[kaberett]

I applied for a disabled person's railcard, as "Mx Alex B[]", for the obvious reasons. I gave my gender as male because they forced a binary choice and it's a different kind of wrong (and one I'm more willing to tolerate).

There was a silent failure, which I found out about only because I did some serious chasing to check up on progress.

The silent failure was because my proof of eligibility is in the form of a letter from the DWP, who refuse to address me as anything other than "Ms E[] KA B[]". Apparently also including a scan of my passport won't do the trick. Apparently I must apply with "the correct details". Apparently they won't print the railcard as Alex rather than E[] if I apply with the "correct" details.

I am too fucking tired for this.

ETA I am sending them a slightly intemperate e-mail full of documentation that I am who I say I am, and that my name is what I say it is. I used the words "please consider this e-mail a formal complaint", and also "from a security viewpoint ... your position is indefensible". I do not expect it to effect change, but I do at least feel a bit better.

Comments

[alexseanchai]

fuck that noise.

[davidgillon]

Aargh! *headdesk*

I only face these issues from the disability side, and fighting those is tiring enough, having to fight for your own identity as well? *headdesk* *headdesk* *sending spoons*

Unfortunately looks like one of those 'computer says no' situations where the only solution is a formal complaint, because nothing less will get someone to actually _engage their brain and think about their fail_.

[silverhare]

Oof. :(

[highlyeccentric]

... the name on your passport is not treated as your legal name by the DWP? Because, uh, that makes SO much sense?

That sort of mismatch happens in Australia because of state-federal distribution - but i'm pretty sure there that the legal process required to get one's passport changed is sufficient to get one's name changed all 'round (gender not necessarily, and i'm pretty sure that Norrie, Australia's only legally gender-not-specified passport holder, doesn't get to be gender-not-specified on everything either).

[kaberett]

tl;dr my full name is E[] K[] Alex B[], and I only ever use the "Alex" anywhere, but a whole lot of the government wants to insist that they can only ever issue documents to E[], even though E[] B[] is not a name I have ever gone by.

[highlyeccentric]

Worth the trouble of getting a legal name change to remove the E&K or reorder the set?

If it's any consolation, my erstwhile associate supervisor, who is basically the most tick-box privileged white guy ever, had this problem with every single document he needed in Australia. He's legally FamilyName Name Surname, a pattern apparently much more common in the US. So his US drivers' licence just says Name Surname, while his passport says FamilyName Name Surname and his birth cert likewise. Australian license issuers, airlines, etc freaked out repeatedly. He might be hiding something! My australian supervisor had similar issues flying into and out of Europe, because her French passport reverted to her maiden name on divorce (legally obligatory) and her Australian one didn't, and whichever name she booked the ticket in, one airport or other would ping that the ticket and the passport didn't match.

Thinking about my students here, I wonder if it's a peculiarly *british* habit of almost never calling people by their "middle" names, one that Australia has inherited but the US hasn't?

[kaberett]

Got a deed poll in 2011. I kept E&K for reasons, and I kept them where they are for reasons, and I know enough people who use their third name (my mum included!) to be absolutely definite that my first two names are none of anybody else's damn business and this shouldn't be a fucking problem, and I loathe and resent the concept of changing my full name away from what I want it to be and what I am happy and comfortable having it be because fucking bureaucrats refuse to use the name they're given.

Anger not directed at you.

[highlyeccentric]

Fair enough! It's a weird cultural block that certain beaurocracies have (I mean, really, if Dr L.W has to convince people to call him L, and the only shade of outsider status he has in aus is the standard 'well we resent americans' variety...), the name thing. Sucks.

[vass]

I once knew a woman who named her son something nonstandard but easy enough to spell/pronounce. Let's say "Star". When she filled out the government forms, Medicare Australia misspelled his name to something standard and one letter different and a completely different name - let's say "Stan". When she called to correct his details, they suggested she change his name to what they'd put it down as.

[kaberett]

The idea of being forced to change my name in order to get called the correct thing is about as gut-wrenchingly horrifying as the idea of being called the wrong thing, basically, only one of them leaves me feeling like I have integrity, even if the rest of the world's shit.

[davidgillon]

Integrity++

(Need a 'like' button ;) )

[rmc28]

yes yes yes yes yes

[untonuggan]

This is all just such shit.

Stories of solidarity and other official naming bullshit:

My sister-in-law's parents are from India, where common naming practice is FamilyName Firstname. Her father and his brothers all immigrated to the US at the same time, not knowing about the US naming practice differences. So they now all have the same first name and a different last name. Because at the time changing things was cumbersome and annoying (and actually I think it took them a bit to realize how weird USers are with their naming practices), they just went with it, and they are now all established with professional names that are not their names. Gonna make genealogy fun later.

On partner's side, she has cousins with a different last name because while they were writing out their very long list of middle names on immigration paperwork (which consists of all the first names of the patrilineal line), they ran out of space to put their last name. Her cousins' fathers may have, er, opted to just go with the error because that name happens to be associated with a more prestigious family. My mother-in-law shamed my father-in-law to sticking with the name of his ancestors.

My mom goes by her middle name because when her parents named her they couldn't name her the order that they wanted because the initials would have been deemed scandalous on luggage labels or anything else monogrammed.

Despite having gone by very common nickname (liz) for my not-so-much-a-fan-of full name (you can probably guess) for over a decade, many members of my family have yet to acknowledge this. The only one who I will let off with a pass is my grandmother, but honestly. It's even three syllables shorter!

*solidarity fistbump and sticks it to naming conventions and bureaucracy*

[cosmolinguist]

This is horrible and shouldn't happen. Affection and good thoughts for you in having to deal with something so stupid and unfair and aggressive to your identity.

[silveradept]

That's nonsense. Incredible, asinine nonsense.

[shanaqui]

Ugh ugh ugh. Things like this make me want to send angry letters. I'm sorry.

[worlds_of_smoke]

I can't imagine how frustrating that is. :( I'm sorry.

[shehasathree]

.

[vass]

Fuck them all. *flaming solidarity fistbump*

I am too fucking tired for this.

Yeah. Fighting to be called the right name is particularly exhausting. I don't want to say "more exhausting than the other microaggressions", but it's definitely more exhausting than one might expect. There's this additional kick of adrenaline.

[raze]

*hackles* "Correct" details. Ungh.