kaberett: A drawing of a black woman holding her right hand, minus a ring finger, in front of her face. "Oh, that. I cut it  off." (molly - cut it off)
[personal profile] kaberett
I deal incredibly badly with people apologising to me for the wrong thing (i.e. not the thing I'm upset about), and I think I have worked out why: (1) it substitutes their judgment of the situation for my own*, and (2) it is frequently used to shut down any attempt to discuss the actual issue.

I've got enough history with (2) to cause problems in and of itself; combined with my Other History with respect to people treating me like I'm incompetent (and especially treating me like I'm incompetent when they don't have sufficient knowledge/information to make that call) and the interactions of that with (1), everything sort of explodes.

* which is a shitty, agency-denying baseline to start an apology from...

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-21 03:26 pm (UTC)
silveradept: A kodama with a trombone. The trombone is playing music, even though it is held in a rest position (Default)
From: [personal profile] silveradept
And then, presumably, get mad at you for not accepting their apology, making it even less likely there will be talk about the actual issue.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-21 04:13 pm (UTC)
worlds_of_smoke: A picture of a brilliantly colored waterfall cascading into a river (Oleander: Default)
From: [personal profile] worlds_of_smoke
yeah, ugh. That's so hurtful and frustrating. :/

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-23 09:53 pm (UTC)
worlds_of_smoke: A picture of a brilliantly colored waterfall cascading into a river (Oleander: Default)
From: [personal profile] worlds_of_smoke
Oh, that's good. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-21 06:54 pm (UTC)
untonuggan: Lily and Chance squished in a cat pile-up on top of a cat tree (buff tabby, black cat with red collar) (Default)
From: [personal profile] untonuggan
Fuck yes, this. With, for me, a side dose of "people who want to apologize to me for the wrong thing when it is emotionally convenient for them, not when I am in a fit state to talk about anything whatsoever and won't take 'not now' for an answer."

I. Yes. Thank you for articulating this so brilliantly.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-22 07:10 am (UTC)
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
From: [personal profile] thefairymelusine
Ah. I read this last night when kind of stuck in a situation which is similar. (I have the same issue with people apologising to me for the wrong thing, combined with that at a certain point I will be too non functional to be able to explain to the other person what was wrong and they can't understand it)

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-22 02:49 pm (UTC)
raze: A man and a rooster. (Default)
From: [personal profile] raze
Yes, to #1 and #2. Well articulated.

I am very messy about "I'm sorry" in general, particularly in the context of myself. I apologize for every little thing, including things that don't warrant it or that are outside of my control. I am perpetually apologizing to absolutely everyone, apparently for the fact that I exist. It annoys people and they sometimes express this... to which I compulsively apologize again. x_x
Edited Date: 2014-04-22 02:51 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2014-04-24 12:39 am (UTC)
calissa: (Default)
From: [personal profile] calissa
I love that you talk about these things. It always leaves me thinking about my interactions with others (in this case "have I experienced this?" and "do I do this to other people without realising it?")

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kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
kaberett

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