Another articulation
Apr. 21st, 2014 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I deal incredibly badly with people apologising to me for the wrong thing (i.e. not the thing I'm upset about), and I think I have worked out why: (1) it substitutes their judgment of the situation for my own*, and (2) it is frequently used to shut down any attempt to discuss the actual issue.
I've got enough history with (2) to cause problems in and of itself; combined with my Other History with respect to people treating me like I'm incompetent (and especially treating me like I'm incompetent when they don't have sufficient knowledge/information to make that call) and the interactions of that with (1), everything sort of explodes.
* which is a shitty, agency-denying baseline to start an apology from...
I've got enough history with (2) to cause problems in and of itself; combined with my Other History with respect to people treating me like I'm incompetent (and especially treating me like I'm incompetent when they don't have sufficient knowledge/information to make that call) and the interactions of that with (1), everything sort of explodes.
* which is a shitty, agency-denying baseline to start an apology from...
(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-21 01:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-21 03:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-21 04:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-21 04:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-23 09:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-21 06:54 pm (UTC)I. Yes. Thank you for articulating this so brilliantly.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-22 07:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-22 02:49 pm (UTC)I am very messy about "I'm sorry" in general, particularly in the context of myself. I apologize for every little thing, including things that don't warrant it or that are outside of my control. I am perpetually apologizing to absolutely everyone, apparently for the fact that I exist. It annoys people and they sometimes express this... to which I compulsively apologize again. x_x
(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-24 12:39 am (UTC)