Another articulation

[kaberett]

I deal incredibly badly with people apologising to me for the wrong thing (i.e. not the thing I'm upset about), and I think I have worked out why: (1) it substitutes their judgment of the situation for my own*, and (2) it is frequently used to shut down any attempt to discuss the actual issue.

I've got enough history with (2) to cause problems in and of itself; combined with my Other History with respect to people treating me like I'm incompetent (and especially treating me like I'm incompetent when they don't have sufficient knowledge/information to make that call) and the interactions of that with (1), everything sort of explodes.

* which is a shitty, agency-denying baseline to start an apology from...

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

yeah, ugh. That's so hurtful and frustrating. :/

[kaberett]

On the plus side, the incident I'm actually thinking of that has helped crystallise all this was about two years ago at this point, so!

[worlds_of_smoke]

Oh, that's good. <3