Tiny picspam

[kaberett]

On Monday, I briefly attempted to be Fashion for the sake of a meeting with my supervisor:

(Me, wearing green corduroy trousers, a black top 3/4-length sleeves and a dark green flower print, and a green sparkly lace scarf wrapped tightly around my neck.)

This was, in fact, a Scarf Of Shame; I generally think it's polite not to be visibly covered in bruises at my boss.

(Me again, this time without the scarf and a neck covered in bruises; also Novel And Short Story, a jasper-and-silver pendant consisting of a large square bead and a small leaf-shaped bead, and my wardrobe with flock of postcards up the doors in the background. I am intending to add More Postcards to the near side of the wardrobe once I've dug out the blutack...)

And then yesterday I had a Somewhat Irritating Time Of It with respect to airlines and stomped home at 4pm to get changed for the evening-in-Brighton. I more or less hit the point of "fuck it", and went out wearing a skirt in public for the first time in ages, along with a heavy-duty steel collar that clearly disconcerted some people...

(Me wearing black vest binder, slightly flouncy black ankle-length linen skirt, teal slightly-heeled DMs, long teal fringed scarf, heavy-duty steel collar, and a necklace you can't see... at around 3am. In the foreground, next to the mirror, a piece of art by misterlucian; on the wall in the background my gold-and-silver-on-black-paper piece by Mia.)

It was... interesting, the effect wearing a skirt in public had on people's willingness to approach me. I've worn these boots a lot and very occasionally got compliments on them, but mostly these days I get thankfully few comments on my physical appearance, or strangers attempting to interact with me on the grounds of it - possibly because a lot of the time I'm wearing stompy DMs and button-down shirts and a fuck-you expression. Last night... eh. A somewhat drunk dude from the set of seats opposite me came over one stop before mine, sat down next to me - in a way that was potentially blocking my exit, but he actually managed to be decent around his body language around it - and apologised for being intrusive, but said that he found me very attractive, with all the implied questions. So I raised an eyebrow and said (1) next stop was me, (2) not sure my girlfriend would approve... and (3) have a good rest of your journey to Bedford! And he took it in relatively good spirits, went "your girlfriend oh is that how it is, oh well you can't blame a guy for trying can you", then went back to chat to his mate some more. And... that experience could have gone so much worse, but nonetheless I'm left feeling gently unhappy that I erased myself to female and to lesbian and monogamous; that I kind-of-sort-of took That One Lady's name in vain (in that I implied she'd mind because monogamy, whereas in fact if she minded at all it'd be because a stranger had approached me on the train to hit on me), but I was safe and I shut the conversation down and I actually kind of was complimented, in a sideways sort of way, in part because the guy was genuinely respectful about not getting into my space beyond getting close enough to have the conversation without the whole carriage hearing it, and didn't give me shit for saying "no", for all I felt like doing it obliquely was a better bet than doing so directly.

And then on the walk back... eh, a car honked its horn when there wasn't any other visible reason at all to do so; and some dudes in another passing car whistled. And that is simultaneously the most probably-harassment I've had in ages, and so much milder than most of the stuff I've dealt with over the years, and I'm a bit sideways about it -- mostly just perplexed and a little saddened, and really very surprised by the extent to which clothes affect how I'm treated. (Why surprised? Because all the worst instances of harassment-by-strangers I've experienced have been when I was wearing cargo shorts and baggy t-shirts, and that is... notably what was happening here, and notably different from the established pattern. So - assimilating data.)

Comments

[silveradept]

Coded female often means getting low-level harassment and assumption of availability - many of my happily married female-identifying friends have standing permission from their partners to invoke their name and the social structures that accompany it to expediently remove themselves from situations that would otherwise involve pressure and harassment. TOL was probably okay with being invoked in such a manner, even if it wasn't the whole truth of everything.

Also, shame that the Scarf of Shame is necessary.