PTSD, coping mechanisms, self harm
Jan. 16th, 2014 01:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaberettContent notes per the subject line.
So as I've been learning more about mindfulness, I've started finding it easier to reach for mindfulness-based techniques when I go into an anxiety attack: take five deep breaths; do a three-minute meditation; list ten good things.
But "easier" isn't "easy" and definitely isn't "always", and it is still the case that very often the thing that will make me notice I am Not Terribly Okay is catching myself digging my nails into my hands or forearms.
I've been thinking about coping mechanisms a fair bit, recently, what between counselling being good for me and trying to work out how to live gracefully with PTSD; and it seriously only just hit me that a huge part of my compulsion to self-injure is self-soothing from panic attacks, and that's been the case for as long as I can remember.
And so I circle back around, once again, to viewing self-harm as a value-neutral tool.
So as I've been learning more about mindfulness, I've started finding it easier to reach for mindfulness-based techniques when I go into an anxiety attack: take five deep breaths; do a three-minute meditation; list ten good things.
But "easier" isn't "easy" and definitely isn't "always", and it is still the case that very often the thing that will make me notice I am Not Terribly Okay is catching myself digging my nails into my hands or forearms.
I've been thinking about coping mechanisms a fair bit, recently, what between counselling being good for me and trying to work out how to live gracefully with PTSD; and it seriously only just hit me that a huge part of my compulsion to self-injure is self-soothing from panic attacks, and that's been the case for as long as I can remember.
And so I circle back around, once again, to viewing self-harm as a value-neutral tool.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-01-17 12:48 am (UTC)Also, at one level, self-harm is value-neutral. It's just that people have odd attitudes towards visible scarring. I look at self-harm scars and tend to think 'someone a bit like me', and that makes me OK. But others don't think like that. It also reminds me a bit of some of the advice I get as an eczema sufferer - scratch something else, not yourself. And it doesn't fucking work for me. I now try to do something else with my hands - in my case, play Roguelikes, but I am a bit strange. I try to direct the fidgety fingers and figdety brain into something else which may not be productive, but which is at least not apparently harmful.
BTW - if my habits aren't helpful to you, please feel free to tell me to fuck off. I appreciate that I don't necessarily use habits that are helpful to many people - I vaguely hope that they help some people who find oft-recommended things less than helpful, but I'm aware that others may find me Not Helpful, and I'm happy to be told that and fuck off and interact with you in more helpful ways.