[poem] Sonnet I: for a dormouse on a doorstep

[kaberett]

Curled up around yourself, you form a globe
that's perfect, though it's not a perfect sphere:
a world in microcosm, I suppose,
a sleeping metaphor, trembling its fear.
The lighthouse beam sweeps out across the waves;
departs, leaving the dark. You too were gone
when next I looked; as silence fell, we gazed
upon the Moon as it obscured the sun.
The sea grinds rocks to sand and sinks away;
the shadows cast by clouds will wax and wane;
the seasons turn from green to gold to grey;
all flowers fade like ripples tracing rain.
These fragments blaze like flares, like dancing flame
never to be repeated; all the same.

hahahahahaha terrible trite sonnets to get me used to the form you do not want to know how many times I had to rewrite this so that it managed to actually contain quatrains INSTEAD OF ENDLESS ENJAMBEMENT

Comments

[rootsofthestories]

I love the last lines so, so very much.

[kaberett]

Thank you :-)

[alexseanchai]

Don't dismiss yourself. It's pretty.

[kaberett]

So I am genuinely pleased with the first quatrain and even the second, but I think it's fairly obvious I gave up halfway through? At some point I might come back and revisit the second half to see if I can't extend it into the metaphor I was originally trying for...

[alexseanchai]

Sounds like a plan. (Though to be honest I was definitely thinking of the poem as a whole as the 'it' referent, not just the first half.)

[davidgillon]

I don't know about obvious, but the first quatrain certainly spoke to me more. In fact I found myself wanting to edit it into a different form (guess I'm not a sonnet fan).

[inoru_no_hoshi]

I like it, it has such pretty, slightly wistful imagery. <3

[kaberett]

Thank you! The first half is all from specific moments in Cornwall :-)

[redsixwing]

all flowers fade like ripples tracing rain.

Brrr. I love this!

[vass]

I like the sestet a lot.

[withagreatlove]

Cute!