An orthographical note

[kaberett]

Via the Lioness (as so much else...), I've just realised how much I like "fem" for describing my ideal gender presentation; cf "dom/me" for the kind of distinction I'm getting at.

Thoughts? :-)

Comments

[corrvin]

That's a completely adorable formation.

[sylvaine]

Oh, I like that distinction. I do have days where I feel very femme-y indeed, but sometimes... sometimes it's not quite that. "Fem" is excellent for those times, I think. :D

[firecat]

LOVE your icon.

[sylvaine]

:D thank you!

[jelazakazone]

I would love to hear you expand more on this, especially after having met you. I think one can be totally genderqueer and fem even in a FAAB body.

Not having read the speech, I personally ID as androgynous with a very slight leaning towards female, but behaviorally more masculine. Does that make sense? That is how I think of myself in my head.

[quirkytizzy]

I don't know much about transgender issues, really, outside of what David shared with me. What does dom/me mean?

[kaberett]

So "dom/me" is actually BDSM stuff - it's masculine & feminine short forms for "dominant". And I really like the idea of doing something similar with "fem/me", in genderfucky ways - because my gender presentation is approx. dandy-ish, and "fem" to me is slyly masculine-slanted femininity, somewhere between a surly slouch and dapper...

[quirkytizzy]

Oh! That makes more sense now! I have familiarity with BDSM stuff (my exhusband and I were active in our local scene for some time), but hadn't really seen it applied to gender stuff, too. That's neat!

[kaberett]

ps my "gq" and "t" tags include a lot of me doing explaining about what it feels like from in here, if you're wanting to do more tag-spelunking :-)

[milkymoon]

I like the idea of 'fem'. I personally use femme myself, but that tends to fit me a bit more. I've seen a few other people (mostly on tumblr) refer to themselves as 'fem'. :3

[vass]

I had to run that through my head a few times.

So... like femme but without the gendered aspects? Especially the really constrictive societal pasted-on ones?

I'm glad you found a term that works well for you.

[kaberett]

It's more or less - I really like the idea of "fem/me", in genderfucky ways - because my gender presentation is approx. dandy-ish, and "fem" to me is slyly masculine-slanted femininity, somewhere between a surly slouch and dapper... just, the way it very explicitly and in-your-face masculine-codes a decidedly feminine word, and what that means for fucking with societal expectations?

[vass]

*nod*

It's interesting, because femme (or fem) are both words that, when applied to me, would make my chest tighten up and my skin feel too small.

Personally, I really identify with 'butch' in that butch/femme definition about who's looking at whom and who is not looked at. Where butch is a person who wants to do the looking and not be looked at, and femme is a person who does want to be looked at and exercises a lot of control over what is seen.

I never feel gender dysphoric when I'm alone, only in the context of my gender as a social thing, a thing that interacts with other people and their expectations.

[cadenzamuse]

YES. (Fem is possibly my default and favorite gender presentation.)