[poem] something borrowed, something blue

[kaberett]

Content note for suicidal ideation beneath the cut (not current).

somewhen in this last handful of years
I find I've changed my mind
about the questions that I ask the world
wrapped tight within the darkest depths of dawn.

it used to be I'd think: can I be dead
yet now it seems I'd rather pleading say
please, make this world one where it is alright
that I exist. please, someone, somehow, make this all okay.

it's progress, of a kind, if still bereft
of comfort; faith; of heartsease and of joy;
but not of hope -- for, after all, I find
that I can be that someone, day by day.

Comments

[kaberett]

(I am actually a lot more cheerful this evening than this makes it sound, though some of it's in a slightly anxious, bittersweet way; but I seriously cannot even begin to put into words how very proud I am that I've made the shift in that second stanza, now I've noticed it's happened.)

[fyreharper]

<3

That last line... that's got power in it, it does.

[cadenzamuse]

That's an incredible shift to make. *has a hard time articulating that kind of pride for an acquaintance-friend that is mostly cheerleading and joy, with a little bit of "yes you're awesome" pride mixed in*

[worlds_of_smoke]

oh that second stanza. gut punch x 10000

(that's a compliment. ;))

[jedusaur]

all the ♥

[raze]

Ooof. This is very effective.

[carthaginians]

Oh dearheart. Much love ♥

[alee_grrl]

That shift in the second stanza is such a powerful one. There is a bittersweet comfort in knowing that while things are still dark and difficult there is hope and the knowledge that you've come just that much farther out of the deepest parts of the darkness.

[kaberett]

Walcott, The Hotel Normandie Pool:

... For this my fiftieth year,
I muttered to the ribbon-medalled water,
"Change me, my sign, to someone I can bear."