Bits and pieces

• I've had extremely intermittent internet access for much of the past week (home internet was, er, internot). The connection's been up and stable-ish for several hours at this point, so I'm tentatively hopeful, but given that it's a Virgin account administered by college affecting a relatively small number of users (no, we're not on the university network) I... yeah. Not promising I'm back just yet, but I am starting to work through the e-mail backlog, so if you're expecting to hear from me and haven't by the end of the week please feel free to kick me.
  
• fannishness! This would be much easier if my computer would reliably play DVDs, grump, but nonetheless I have done a fair bit of writing and I am looking forward to getting the current piece of fic polished & Made Public And No Longer My Problem (A:tLA, ~1000 words on the political aftermath of the first three-quarters of the show finale)
  
• had another PhD funding interview on Tuesday; I don't think I did especially well (off-day), but I was the only applicant (of four) for that project that they shortlisted for interview, and they were interviewing 29 candidates for ~15 studentships & some of those will be going off to other places, so. I think I managed to address their major concerns, and I will hear by Friday at the earliest and the end of three weeks at the latest. Fret fret fret. Supervisor bought me another hot chocolate, whinged gently (& justifiably!) about some recon experiments misbehaving a little, and took me to the fortnightly group lab meeting which I really enjoyed. Ugh. I really want this, and I need to not be thrown utterly off-kilter if I don't get it.
  
• I took on London buses and won. (Last time I tried London buses was during the Olympics and I ended up sprinting [unnecessarily, as it turns out] for a train; the time before that I misinterpreted the front of the bus and ended up at the wrong terminus having travelled in the wrong direction, at which point I gave up and got the tube instead and wasn't actually late for my appointment at the US embassy, but. Nonetheless London buses are a slightly hyperventilatory experience for me.)
  
• also also on Tuesday, I met up with a good friend I hadn't seen in over six months and they don't hate me and I had been half-convinced they did, and several other times that day I managed to apply logic to my kneejerk "I DID IT WRONG EVERYONE HATES ME" reaction. Go counselling & go applied techniques.
  
• other making-stuff-wise, I have ~40 rows of ~300 stitches each left on the current project, and then I get to block it and I will have FINISHED MY FIRST SHAWL and then I just have to hope the recipient likes it. (They've said they like the principle; I then just Got On With Making It and didn't exactly, er, double-check with them. But if they don't like it I'm sure I'll find someone else to take it, and in any case BABY'S FIRST SHAWL and BABY'S FIRST SERIOUS BLOCKING.)

Terms you don't get to describe me in #1: wheelchair-bound

It is strictly inaccurate.

Well, except when I use straps for postural support - and in practice that's still a hypothetical at this point in my life.

A wheelchair is not a tragedy: it is a tool. The answer to "oh no, what happened?" is "I got funding!" I am not stuck in my chair; I do not need furtive glances and discreet lowered voices; what I would like is basic accessibility.

Chairs are, for me, less good than getting to walk without pain or fatigue - but I don't get to walk without pain or fatigue. Making my illness visible is emphatically not the same as making my illness worse: my chair means I can move at "normal" walking pace again. It means I can spend a day wandering around London with the only consequence being spending the following day asleep. It means I can go shopping and attend concerts and visit museums and art galleries.

I'm not bound to my chair. It's not a weight to be spoken of in hushed tones. My chair is not, and never has been, the problem: I am a wheelchair user, and it sets me free.

This posting brought to you by the phrase "getting a wheelchair is giving up on getting better", the lift outside that one department being broken again in hilarious intermittent-hardware-fault fashion, and the charming gentlemen who heckled me aggressively in London when I got out of my chair, bumped it down three steps, then got back into it - rather than take an additional round trip of a quarter of a mile.

Writing elsewhere: the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness

[Original post, 24th Jan, LashBlog.]

I'm choosing to repost this content here because of the terrifying news that it's been recommended that tramadol be upgraded to a Class C drug. I spent five years being routinely disbelieved by everyone about the amount of pain I was in, because I could go from "normal" to "can't speak in complete sentences" in a matter of minutes, and the only outward sign that anything had changed would be... not being able to speak in complete sentences. So I was making it up, right?

Well... no. And like I said elsewhere earlier today, in the UK it seems to be much easier to get hold of a prescription for neat codeine if you're able to rock up to your GP and say "So, I've borrowed some spares from a friend; I've been taking [dosage] and have noticed [xyz] improvements in function and quality of life. Could I have a prescription of my own?" Than if, say, you just show up and say "I've been a responsible citizen but maybe this will help?" I'm currently going through a similar phase with temazepam: I've taken 30mg this calendar year (and therefore ever), in three doses, and it's been enormously helpful. When I asked a GP for it, without disclosing I'd already tried taking it, I was told that it was awfully addictive, and that there were concerns about drug interactions. Sooner or later I'll get around to being pushier about it - and, yes, I choose that word advisedly.

Fundamentally, I consider anything that makes access to adequate pain relief harder a bad thing. Criminalising responsible drug-sharing makes access to adequate pain relief harder, and is a massive issue in terms of common behaviours among people with chronic pain that I've had this discussion with. This is not a good plan, and I'd really rather it didn't happen in my country.

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( The pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. )