I'm tired of being a fighter, a fake

[kaberett]

I spent about an hour last night crying my eyes out, in desperation, and I'm still not sure of all the reasons, except that once again I am circling back around to trust, over and over and over again. Here's a thing, though: I find the Samaritans via e-mail rather less helpful than my lovely people in IRC.

Here's some of what set it off, tangentially, in all the ways that really fuck me up with Buffy as identity figure: she's a P!nk fan.

We are told, canonically, that she is a P!nk fan.

We are told this via her making a flippant remark about Get The Party Started.

Oh, Buffy. Oh, Buffy.

(And, of course, trust? That is some of why the second half of Buffy s7, which I marathoned last night, hit me so hard.)

Comments

[littlebutfierce]

;___; I am sorry things are awful.

[kaberett]

I can remember what it's like to not feel like this? So that's a plus. And I know that it will pass. I just want it to have finished already.

(so if you like it sing along/sing coz you don't know how to say it)

(these endless days are finally ending in a blaze/and we are caught in the fire/the point of no return/so we will walk through the fire/and let
it
burn)

[emperor]

*hug*

[azurelunatic]

At least Buffy could *stab* a lot of the monsters. :\

from "Mantilla Lament", Julie Boden

[frith_in_thorns]

I will not fear the watch
of ivory towers,
the men whose words
of references
tie up their bows of
endings.
I will swirl my skirts, to whirl
in sparks of light.

There are promises to keep
before the night.

[ghoti]

<3

[pipisafoat]

(knowing very very little about buffy and p!nk and especially intersection of the two; somewhat tangential comment)

me too email samaritans less helpful. even if nobody is around. still i sometimes do it.

but oh that song. i decided (before i even admitted to myself that i was queer) that it was going to be my coming out song. it is wildly inappropriate for the person i've become (different from expectations at that age, but far more true to the person i was at that age) and it's ... not that at all? but! i still find it amusing that i picked a coming out song before knowing in words that i had anything to come out about.


fffff cannot stay logged in, maybe this will post eventually, apologies if you end up with fifty billion copies of this comment. storm + bad internet = worse internet

[swaldman]

Damnit. Earwormed ;-)