[3W4DW] 14. Did you have a gateway fandom? Still in it? Why or why not?

[kaberett]

... Is there a community for it on DW?

• Sort of, but not exactly, in that I apparently signed up the day that Open Beta started (belated happy birthday to Dreamwidth, and a simultaneous belated and early happy birthday to me...) but I only really started thinking of it as my Primary Online Home in about 2011, after meeting noldo and getting dragged delightedly into Avatar fandom.
  
• Yep. Oh dearie me yes. And: because it is the show of my heart, because it is beautiful and heartbreaking and enriching and wonderful. Here is my normal pitch for it:

  Avatar: the Last Airbender is a mainstream US kid's TV show. Within the first five minutes of the first episode of the first season, a female character calls a male character out for sexism, in as many words, and she is taken seriously.
  
  One of the main characters is a six-legged ten-tonne flying platypus-bison. He is a stealthy, stealthy getaway vehicle.
  
  This is a show that contains no white people, that features disabled people, that is full of a wide range of women, that contains a canon trans character - and that deals with abuse and genocide and war and colonialism in nuanced, complicated, loving, difficult, varied and above all target-audience age-appropriate ways.
  
  There are three moments of Fail that I can point out to you.
  
  That's three moments in a three-season series.
  
  Show. Of. My. Heart.

  
  
• Yep! white_lotus.

---

I'm not very okay at the moment, and I'm not sure why. I'm safe and I'm functional and I'm managing self-care and I'm enjoying the world (cherry blossom and bluebells and daffodils and tulips and cowslips, and chaffinches bathing in puddles and wagtails bathing in fords, and silk aviation maps and family and--) and I'm reading and I'm even managing work, but I just seem to be... not very okay. I'm not used to being this kind of not-very-okay, and I don't know how to deal with it, and I don't have tools for it, and I don't know what the problem is. I don't know how to deal with depression that presents without anhedonia.

Hmm. PHQ-9 reckons I'm currently scoring 10, dysthymia/minor depression. I suppose that sounds about right? I just- none of the normal triggers are in place, and I don't know why. Or maybe this is what a stressful situation (viz, Finals) looks like after several weeks of pretty intensive mindfulness training? Maybe I'd be much worse off if I hadn't done (as much of) the course (as I have)? I don't know. I don't know what to do with this.

Comments

[alexseanchai]

WAIT I MISSED THE CANON TRANS CHARACTER. Or at least I cannot think of them offhand.

I hope things get better soon.

[kaberett]

SMELLERBEE.

(Unfortunately the most unambiguous statement of their trans status involves Sokka MISGENDERING THEM >:( in the comics, which for all other purposes I Ignore, but there's the point where Iroh says "funny name for a [gendered child]" and Smellerbee retorts "I'M NOT A [GENDER]".

Personally I interpret them as genderqueer FAAB, but I think the more standard fannish interpretation is trans woman. And I'm just massively projecting about wanting an identity character. >_>)

[alexseanchai]

Ah.

[kaberett]

I can probably be more coherent about this sometime when it's not 1am ;) Grab me if you would like me to try to make more sense about it.

[kaberett]

(Part of why I love Smellerbee so much as a portrayal is that, like the disability, it's not a big deal and it doesn't really get talked about, it Just Is. And, sure, it's very carefully done and you have to know what you're looking for, but... the bits of fandom I'm in are pretty comfortable that Smellerbee is trans and canonically trans? In a much more textually-supported way than e.g. Dumbledore being gay.)

[alexseanchai]

I am hesitant about declaring Smellerbee canonically trans without an explicit statement to that effect, because I have heard both that Dean Winchester is and that he is not canonically bisexual and neither camp can point to an explicit statement to that effect. I am quite happy to say that the evidence supports bisexual!Dean and trans!Smellerbee (now that I remember Smellerbee, and I'll have to make a note to involve her in my AtLA Epic Bechdel Project whenever I get moving on that again), but not that it's canon.

[pipisafoat]

a much more textually-supported way than e.g. Dumbledore being gay

DON'T YOU GET IT. OLDER SINGLE WHITE MALE WITH NO OBVIOUS PARTNER, SURROUNDED BY CHILDREN EVERY DAY? CLEARLY GAY.

sometimes I want to punch that in the face. other times I just want to cry.

[pipisafoat]

a male character calls a female character out for sexism, in as many words, and she is taken seriously.
hang on i'm confused

also i want to watch this but. (i mean "but" in the "but i just haven't gotten around to it yet because of clearly having different priorities and/or being afraid about watching new things for the past idk year and/or nobody ever said "six-legged ten-tonne flying platypus-bison" before." not that there is a specific thing stopping me from it.)

[littlebutfierce]

I'm sorry shit is not-okay. :/

[sporky_rat]

*loves on Kab*

[worlds_of_smoke]

I'm sorry you're feeling not-okay. We've had days like that, where the brain's just twitchy and "itchy" and off for no particular reason. All we've been able to do is just focus on riding it out and hoping it fucks off soon.

[rmc28]

(Sorry, didn't comment sooner, didn't have good keyboard time, but this stuck with me.)

FWIW, my current probably-PND presents without anhedonia. There are lots of good and absorbing things in my life, I just also couldn't pass a PND-screening test. I believe stress / being overloaded is a major trigger; I was a lot better before getting the flu in February. I don't really know what to do with this too, except keep working on self-care and enjoying the good things, and getting through the bad things.

The more you talk about the mindfulness training the more I think I would probably find it useful. Maybe this will translate into actually doing it at some point ...

[kaberett]

Hah. Yes.