Another quick hit on emotional labour
Jul. 29th, 2015 01:57 pmThese are ones I'd already internalised as true so didn't excerpt last time around, but probably bear repeating anyway.
From the author of the sparking article:
This is already someting I do in set-ups where I'm in a caring role (because I know that accepting help can be very difficult, whereas not refusing it is easier -- setting up a default course of action is to some extent a way of handling people, but what that also means is facilitation, so). It has always been a genuine surprise and delight when people have spotted that me doing this works for them and have reciprocated it.
And, as linked to![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sebastienne, the idea that keeping track of what needs doing is significant emotional labour in itself:
This gets discussed elsethread in terms of being The Knower Of The Things, and division between Knowing and Doing; the idea of the Deal Token comes up too, of "I am responsible for making sure this thing Gets Done; I can delegate every single task comprising the Thing but I am responsible for tracking that everything that needs to happen for the Thing to get done happens", which is pretty much how I run committees when I'm on them. (There's something related, about how similar skills in men and women get designated "leadership" and "teamwork" respectively - women doing emotional labour is consistently devalued, because the hard work of knowing how your team's doing in detail and who might need a break and so on is fundamentally exactly the same thing as keeping track of which of the kids have activities this afternoon and when their homework's due, and that shit isn't important. I have a lot of bitter feelings about parenting related to all of this, okay, because - yeah - so much of it is about who, and what, matters.)
And finally: on tumblr there's a discussion of why tumblr's fantasy man is like he is, and over on AskMe people are working out an emotional labour checklist for self-assessment.
From the author of the sparking article:
The switch from men's default "I will if you ask me" to "I will if you don't ask me not to" is simple but really powerful in terms of where it sites the responsibility.
This is already someting I do in set-ups where I'm in a caring role (because I know that accepting help can be very difficult, whereas not refusing it is easier -- setting up a default course of action is to some extent a way of handling people, but what that also means is facilitation, so). It has always been a genuine surprise and delight when people have spotted that me doing this works for them and have reciprocated it.
And, as linked to
sebastienne, the idea that keeping track of what needs doing is significant emotional labour in itself: Another puzzle piece: was thinking about religious life. Convents, monasteries. We think of these things as big sacrifices, but in fact, they are places designed to dial the emotional labor burden way, way down. You are removed from regular family and social life. You don't have to stress about the cleanliness and conditon and chores around the places, because all of these things are taken care of in a fair and equitable rotation of tasks - when it's your turn to do the dishes, you do the dishes, but on the other days, you blissfully ignore the dishes. Life is so regulated and organized that you really can be mentally and emotionally free to concentrate on the tasks you are there to do - whether it's contemplation, human services, or whatever. This wasn't a stupid organization of life. Religious orders recognized that emotional labor had to be wrestled to the ground before anyone stood 5 minutes' chance of being able to devote attention to anything else.
I also think this is what drew me to life in summer camps and residential education settings for many years: a similar level of organization of chores, and an equitable sharing. Men and women alike did their duties when it was their turn, and were penalized for shirking. Both the emotional and the menial labor were sorted - labor was never a negotiation; you never had a long-running standoff as to who was going to take out trash or scrub the pots: it was all written there right on a rotation chart. This did more to create gender equality than any number of manifestos or heartfelt discussions. A basic rota. A recognition that everyone needed to contribute equally to the boring work of daily life. The beauty of it: when you're on, you're on: you do the work outlined in the rota. When you're off, you devote not a second's thought to the condition of the kitchen or the bathrooms or the trash. It's a big old SEP until it's your turn in the rota again.
This gets discussed elsethread in terms of being The Knower Of The Things, and division between Knowing and Doing; the idea of the Deal Token comes up too, of "I am responsible for making sure this thing Gets Done; I can delegate every single task comprising the Thing but I am responsible for tracking that everything that needs to happen for the Thing to get done happens", which is pretty much how I run committees when I'm on them. (There's something related, about how similar skills in men and women get designated "leadership" and "teamwork" respectively - women doing emotional labour is consistently devalued, because the hard work of knowing how your team's doing in detail and who might need a break and so on is fundamentally exactly the same thing as keeping track of which of the kids have activities this afternoon and when their homework's due, and that shit isn't important. I have a lot of bitter feelings about parenting related to all of this, okay, because - yeah - so much of it is about who, and what, matters.)
And finally: on tumblr there's a discussion of why tumblr's fantasy man is like he is, and over on AskMe people are working out an emotional labour checklist for self-assessment.
