*facepalm*

[kaberett]

I've been thinking a lot lately about intentionality and choice-theft and the giving (and gift) of space in which to make choices. I've also been thinking a lot about the ethics of the ways in which I handle and encourage and shape social interactions, and about the extent to which I explicitly voice what it is I am doing so people can decide whether they're comfortable with me doing it.

... and I've only just noticed that of course this all comes up in the ways it is coming up because I'm reading recessional's MCU fic, and particularly Natasha has been Making Appearances, and... whoops. Fandom as therapy. Again.

Comments

[withagreatlove]

'Choice-theft'? I've never heard of this concept and am intrigued to learn more! Thanks!

[kaberett]

This precise articulation of it is something I came across in China Mieville's Bas Lag series - there is a culture in which crimes are constructed as crimes because they remove people's choices. Thus murder is the worst possible choice-theft, in that it removes all choices; assault and violence remove choices to do with autonomy over one's body; and so on. It wasn't a lens I was consciously using at the time, but during a semi-recent protracted and unpleasant break-up I made great efforts to point out to the ex in question that they had choices, and their choices were (1) stop doing the thing that caused me long-term harm, (2) tell me to put up with it, or (3) break up with me; and that option three was in fact a choice they could make -- to the extent that they started asking if I was emphasising it so much because it was the one I wanted them to take. No, absolutely not: but the idea that I ought instead simply have said "you must stop doing this thing" is one I find kind of horrifying and coercive and Wrong, so.

Yes. Choice. Making sure that people are aware of their options, instead of narrowing the scope of what they perceive to be possible; making clear what choices are available where I have choices of my own to make ("I need this to not happen; here are ways to achieve that"); requesting that people make suggestions for options I haven't considered. And so on.

[pipisafoat]

this explanation is basically how I perceive my own morality, which I tend to describe as "informed consent only" wherein by "informed" i mean "as aware as possible of all potential choices" and by consent it seems I mean "making a deliberate choice from these possibilities"
interesting

also because of QC I am now picturing a cat.

[kaberett]

<3

Also relevant: some more of M's fic, specifically Crossing (Avatar: the Last Airbender; illness, kink, etc).

[withagreatlove]

Thanks for explaining that, that's really interesting. It actually reminds me of the Jewish approach to sin and repentance: any sin can be repented for except murder because taking a life is irreversible. You can no longer seek restoration with that person. The ultimate choice-theft, then. Removing a person's choice is tampering with their free will, which is crucial in Judaism. Thanks for sharing :)

[silveradept]

How interesting it must be to be someone who interacts with you, since you talk about all choices, and not just the ones you think are the right ones or the ones you want others to do.

Or at least you can talk consciously about what you do to influence the choices of others.

[highlyeccentric]

Fic rec pls?

[kaberett]

your blue-eyed boys as a whole (I've never interacted with canon and I have still read the entire thing), and in specific this companion-ficlet prompted the post.