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kaberettFor me there's at least two main categories, roughly analogous to two types of pain: the warning, that you're overdoing something and hurting yourself; and the sense of stretching, of building yourself stronger and surer -- which is how the apparent dichotomy between my determination to do one thing every day that scares me (and to love fiercely though not fearlessly) and my determination to listen to my hindbrain's warning systems can be resolved.
Of course it's more complicated than that and of course something can be both at once; but I've grown very familiar with variations on a theme of pain (does it impart new information or can it be safely ignored as background? is it background that I shouldn't be ignoring? can I tell why and where it originates? is it a challenge and therefore a gift, or a warning of worse to come? is it time to turn back?) and I begin to believe I might be able to become sufficiently familiar with variations on a theme of fear.
This appears to be the best I can articulate it; I've tried to think of other distinguishing features, tried to talk about fear that makes me smaller versus fear that challenges me to expand, but none of those quite feel as accurate or as true as fear as a warning versus fear as strength-in-the-making; and perhaps even that isn't right: because there is strength, too, in daring to listen to yourself that closely, and in daring to trust yourself enough to act on what you hear; but nonetheless it's what I've got for now.
Of course it's more complicated than that and of course something can be both at once; but I've grown very familiar with variations on a theme of pain (does it impart new information or can it be safely ignored as background? is it background that I shouldn't be ignoring? can I tell why and where it originates? is it a challenge and therefore a gift, or a warning of worse to come? is it time to turn back?) and I begin to believe I might be able to become sufficiently familiar with variations on a theme of fear.
This appears to be the best I can articulate it; I've tried to think of other distinguishing features, tried to talk about fear that makes me smaller versus fear that challenges me to expand, but none of those quite feel as accurate or as true as fear as a warning versus fear as strength-in-the-making; and perhaps even that isn't right: because there is strength, too, in daring to listen to yourself that closely, and in daring to trust yourself enough to act on what you hear; but nonetheless it's what I've got for now.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-11-16 04:19 pm (UTC)I've learned that there are kinds of pain, as you say, but I can't always usefully distinguish them. Is that pain in my left knee an old injury or neuropathic or the arthritis or a reminder that I need to adjust the angle/position of my leg? One of those I can safely ignore; two of the others I can do something about, but different things; and resting will make them all feel better for the moment. The arthritis might make relevant clicking noises, but they all feel the same, a sameness which is different from the ache of an overused muscle or the pain of a splinter.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-11-17 01:30 pm (UTC)