Dysphoria worse than usual at the moment.

[kaberett]

I am not getting on terribly well with the sensation of binding at the moment, but I am also not getting on well with not being flat-chested.

I am remembering that a year ago I pinned up my hair and put on a short tousled wig and people - even people who've known me for years! - were not recognising me to the point of reading me as male (and MAAB) or MAAB and genderqueer. I am going through another phase of being incredibly damn tempted to cut off all my hair because it would immediately change me from getting universally gendered female to much closer to a 50/50 split. And yet it is deeply important to me to expand the space of the legible, and I actually prefer my hair as it is probably (because it's very little work, because not needing to either cut it or get it cut myself at regular intervals, etc).

Gender is hard and I just want to have had top sugery already.

Comments

[rootsofthestories]

I just wanna say that I understand entirely and feel you so hard this entire post. My hair is short already but I am still read as female by most people and it pisses me off. I need to get a new binder but I've been feeling so, so very Not Female lately that it just makes me depressed to interact with a good portion of people I know.

[alexseanchai]

This.