Snippets

[kaberett]

Me:

I think that it's all very well to say "let's remove all labels" when you fall in the default categories for everything and have *never experienced* exactly how fucking isolating it is to look at the default categories all around you and go "... but I am not like that; what is wrong with me?"

It hurts less when they're labelled something other than "normal" and "what everyone is like", because at least that way you stand a better chance of realising you have options.

Ani DiFranco (who fucked up bigtime on racism and then doubled down; this song predates it but this stanza embodies exactly the attitude that's the issue; nonetheless I quote it because I value the last couplet so much):

Everything I do is judged
And they mostly get it wrong
But oh well
'cause the bathroom mirror has not budged
And the woman who lives there can tell
The truth from the stuff that they say
And she looks me in the eye
And says, would you prefer the easy way?
No? Well okay then -- don't cry...

Black Girl Dangerous, On Getting Free:

You survived. And because you survived, you now had a shot at more than just staying alive. You had a shot now at getting free. But that thing that you learned when you were five was not then and is not now designed to help you be free. It is designed only to help you survive. And, in fact, it keeps you from being free. You need to figure out what this thing is and work your ass off to un-learn it. Because the things we learn to do to survive at all costs are not the things that will help us get FREE. Getting free is a whole different journey altogether.

Comments

[pretty_panther]

Yeah I think it is easy to say remove labels unless or until you find that label that makes you go oh that is me. I fit somewhere.

[fyreharper]

Yes this. The 'oh, there's a word for me, it's not just that I'm weird, there are other people too.' And then even when the words don't quite fit perfectly (often true), I have more descriptive tools to use and the knowledge of there-are-other-people.

[alexseanchai]

I wanted to let you know I read and appreciated this.

[untonuggan]

Ditto. ^_^

[elisem]

Likewise.

[kaberett]

Now you can play spot-the-continuity between this post & the counselling session that followed :-)

[milkymoon]

Yes, sometimes having labels for everyone, even 'typical' people helps. It reminds you your experience can be named, is valid and is absolutely real, and it's not a 'problem' in relation to the 'unlabelled' majority.

[steorra]

Labels are also difficult when there are a bunch of them but none of them seem to fit accurately. When you can maybe position yourself in relation to labels, but not uncomplicatedly apply one to yourself.

[kaberett]

Yes -- hello excellent icon -- but I find that having them there at least gives me something to steer by? In a way that a blank canvas doesn't; in a way that a blank canvas (or empty sky) can feel horribly isolating. Obviously mileage may vary, but... yeah. Those things?

[steorra]

Yeah, I think that makes sense.
More half-formed thoughts but I'm tired and have Hebrew homework so am not going to try to actually complete their formation.

[silveradept]

Labels I choose will stay with me, but labels others apply can be stuck forever in holding patterns until I decide what to do with them.

[quirkytizzy]

David and I have a perpetual, rolling argument about labels - and my response is EXACTLY AS YOU STATED. I like my labels. I have CHOSEN my labels - the fact that he feels the world has assigned him ones he doesn't fit into is an issue HE needs to work through.

If he doesn't feel comfortable with his labels, he needs to have the self awareness to find ones that do feel comfortable, rather than raging to dismantle the whole label system altogether.

Argh - this is something I could go on and on about.

But I'd not thought of putting those words to it. The way you put it in your post - YES. THAT. Labels help me beat back the isolation. They give me some place to belong. I'm not arbitrarily denying others or myself the words that they identify with.

That is SO important.

(Plus, I feel like people who are "above" labels are just trying to pretentious. Dude, didn't we get over the whole "DONT GIVE INTO TEH MAN!" thing in High School? Ugh!)

[elialshadowpine]

Fucking this. I've gone 'round and 'round with the whole label thing, as I'm sure you've seen in some of my posts over the last year or so, because it is very important for me to have a fucking word or term that I can use to explain myself -- not just to others, but for myself, because as you said, it's fucking isolating. I hadn't really thought of it that way, but you're right in that most of the people who seem to spout off about "but nobody needs labels!" are for the most part in a relative position of privilege.

[quirkytizzy]

"but you're right in that most of the people who seem to spout off about "but nobody needs labels!" are for the most part in a relative position of privilege."

Perfectly worded. YES.