Why I talk about counselling

[kaberett]

In part, yes, so that I have a record for my own sake, because it is so easy to lose bits and pieces along the way.

But mostly, it is to demystify and to normalise, to say not only "counselling is a normal thing that people do", but also to say "and here's what it might look like".

How sessions work vary between clients, between counsellors, between relationships, over time - and I've been told I'm a fairly unusual client in terms of the amount of work I do in my own time, the extent to which I usually show up to sessions with a list of things to talk about. I do think this is important to mention - as in so much else, it's often kind of unhelpful to use me as a yardstick - but: here. Here is an account of what sorts of things I talk about, of how much I get covered. A lot of the time, I'm paying a counsellor to listen to me and say "oh sweetie" at appropriate moments; but I'm also paying for the pause, and the quiet "have you noticed...?"

The hour in which to reflect once a week is ritual, is religious. It feels to me like the beauty of cathedrals in the stillness of the day; has the flavour of the confessional I've never used. This ties in all to well with the idea of the day of rest: after a session I need time to decompress, space to be slow and quiet, and indeed sessions go better if I've had time to do similar immediately beforehand. I'm not sure whether I've talked about therapy-as-religion before, but it's definitely a thing that is there for me.

But mostly - yes, mostly, I swear that there's someone - somewhere - someone: I want to tell you that this is a thing people do, and more specifically than nameless faceless people that it is a thing I do, and find value in; I want to show you some of the ways it can work; and I want to tell you that if you have questions about this, I will answer them. I will make time. I will make time for you.

Comments

[jelazakazone]

Yes to all of this. This is how therapy/counseling work(ed)(s) for me as well. And also just to have someone listen to me has been incredibly valuable at points in my life.

[pretty_panther]

I agree. I think speaking about being in therapy makes it appear more 'normal' to people and therefore more 'acceptable'. Part of me thinks it is not my responsibility to normalise something to people who are narrow minded about such things and assume rather than search out information. On the other hand I think if this opens the eyes of even a few people, they will then correct other people or look up that information and it will help other people who feel judged for seeking help. It may even encourage some to seek it out. That makes it worth putting my experiences out there I think.

I also go in with lists and notes and having done a lot of work in-between. I think to get anything out of therapy you have to put a lot in. It is a long and exhausting road to rewire a brain.

[shanaqui]

Yes. This is exactly why I have fairly relentlessly gone about telling people in my life about my counselling, even if I don't want to go into the anxiety disorder business with them. Because it's normal, and a healthy option (for some of us; it made my father worse, but then again that could've been the specific counsellor/style of therapy), and people should know it's okay to have it.

[calissa]

There's something tickling the back of my mind about what an odd position I'm in as the SO of a psychologist, but it doesn't seem to want to resolve into words.

I like your connection between therapy and the day of rest. I've never really considered that before. I am also being reminded that even though I feel odd without a project to be working on, I really do need that time to decompress and be quiet.

Thank you for posting this. I wish I was more articulate today.

[tamouse]

I should probably talk more about being in therapy. I'm rather scared to publicly (or even limitedly) disclose the things I talk about. But talking about the process might be okay...