On autism spectrum conditions & anti-harassment

rmc28 has, again, produced an excellent links round-up on how not to harass people.

One of the arguments that regularly rolls around, though I have my hopes that it won't in this particular instance, is BUT WHAT ABOUT AUTISM.

Hello: my name is Alex, I was diagnosed with autism last month at the age of 22-and-change, and I'll be your guide today.

What this means in practice is that I am an Adult Autism Diagnosis [NHS; The National Autistic Society]: I wasn't spotted during childhood, so didn't get any support at all when it comes to learning how to socialise "normally". (There's no particular reason it shouldn't have been picked up - except, you know, that I do extremely well in tests, was assigned female at birth, and am upper-middle-class, which clearly accounted for my social difficulties. Though given the choice, I'd probably rather anyone had noticed the abuse going on at home than the ASC.)

Here's some more context: one of my areas of expertise, about which I will talk enthusiastically and at great length, is sexual health, safer sex, and sex in general.

AND YET SOMEHOW: I have managed not to sexually harass people. On the other hand, I have been regularly harassed and assaulted throughout my life, including one occasion on which a Guest of Honour was a little more handsy than I was entirely comfortable with, without actually making me scared or upset forever.

In that respect? I'm lucky.

But I'm going to repeat that: without any teaching, without any support, I manage to avoid harassing people. My social skills aren't fantastic, but I've taught myself (and been taught by the magic of the Internet) how to minimise any discomfort I might cause others. Here are some of them; I'm not perfect at doing all of them all the time, but I make a significant effort to build all of them into daily life:

• I regularly check in verbally about how much I'm talking, and if it's "too much".
  
• I make clear to people when striking up group conversations that I struggle with maintaining an appropriate volume, and I am always, always okay with being asked to speak more quietly.
  
• Before raising potentially Difficult subjects, I explicitly ask "is it okay to talk about [topic x]?" If I don't get enthusiastic consent from everyone in the conversation, I drop it.
  
• I always explicitly check before offering physical contact: "Do you do hugs? In that case, would you like one?"
  

In conclusion, because it seems to need repeating a lot: autism spectrum conditions are not a reason for harassment, they are not an excuse for harassment, and Internet-diagnosing unfamiliar-to-you highly socially competent predators makes life harder for everyone except predators.

Don't do it. Just don't.

Ten good things

1. DLA got renewed without me even needing to do anything.
   
2. First appt with pain clinic booked.
   
3. PhD offer & acceptance, obviously!
   
4. Nearly finished the shawl I am working on for a friend (i.e. less than 600 stitches/2 rows away from starting the final ribbing section), and I have Plans for the next project that's gonna go on the needles
   
5. Lovely perfume that lovely boything got me on more-or-less a whim is a major source of happiness in my life right now
   
6. I'm actually managing to be pleased with how much my writing's improved since I started doing it regularly again (i.e. over the past year or so, for which fanfic is entirely responsible)
   
7. I am slowly-slowly-slowly catching up on work missed so far this term
   
8. I've got the disposable income to Just Get Takeout if that's what it takes to get me to eat
   
9. I have nice strawberry ice-cream and nice blueberry yoghurt
   
10. Having reliable Internet back means I can superbetter again, which is helping a little with my mood
    

Other things that are making me feel a bit less bleak: teal trousers for £10. The Indigo Girls albums that arrived in the post last week. The fact that I've got a blue morpho butterfly pin badge on its way. My ridiculous collection of shower gels. My teddy bear. My Tangle. My large pile of blankets. That I have enough disposable income that I can just buy a weighted blanket.