That awkward stage of writing up a project when...

... you're at 5100 out of a maximum 7500 words, and it feels like you've got about another 1500-2000 to go, and you can't work out whether this is because you did the right amount of work and are writing in the correct amount of detail, or because you've not done anything like enough and are waffling impenetrably...

(don't worry, the prose in the write-up makes more sense than that monstrosity up there does ;)

and then I'll just have to make ALL THE GRAPHS

Gratitude

1. having German speakers in my life and emotionally close to me: people I can talk with when exhausted, or communicate with more easily, because I don't have to remember the English for Biomuell and I don't have to stick to English sentence structures in order to be comprehensible
   
2. a supervisor who talks to me and gives me praise in words I understand: "we should write this up as a paper" is something even I can't misinterpret
   
3. a director of studies who knows what I'm like and checks in on me and my brainstate and tells me that I should come and talk to her and even if I just want a cup of tea I should go sit in her office and drink tea it's fine just DO it for goodness' sake
   
4. my lovely housemate got back this evening after the vac <3
   
5. benefits etc mean that I've got enough money to feel safe and secure in Just Buying things that will make my life easier and more pleasant - so: THANK YOU, UK taxpayers <3
   
6. wonderful, wonderful friends - who cook with me and feed me and eat the food I make them; who share music and poetry with me; who pull faces of gently appalled kab-did-you-actually-just-say-that in the most loving way possible
   
7. vaginapagina, for teaching me how to encourage safer space, and to communicate extremely diplomatically, and to be a powerful advocate for myself and others in medical settings
   
8. the education and support, more generally, that have given me the tools to understand my diagnoses and prognoses and equipped me to self-medicate competently, and to track my symptoms: that have encouraged me to trust myself
   
9. living next door to botanic gardens to which I have free entry: limestone pavement and snowdrops and silver fern brambles and dogwoods and willow and viburnum and scented gardens and hothouses and fountains all right there, for me to sit in and be quiet
   
10. I am loved, so much, in so many ways, by so many people.

I've seen a lot of people choose a word as their theme for the year. Me? I think I'm going to go with reclamation.