[poem] from a hallway, sometime after twelve

[kaberett]

I wish I could explain
this sudden shifting -- lilting sideways step
from tentatively fine to thoroughly insane.
-- no, that's a lie; no: try again--
there's no price dear enough
for me to draw a map of how
to reach this place; and should I so desire
in any case, I'd fail: because
the labyrinth that keeps me in
is the selfsame as that
which locks you surely out.
There is no key.
Cartography is all to no avail.
All that is left is counting space
between the heart and beat
in which to pray.

---

I seem to have gone a little bit mad. I am hoping a few days of hermiting will sort me out. Nothing needs doing; just a heads-up.

Comments

[raze]

*safe hugs* I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

[kaberett]

It's the kind of night where I can't tell if the poem is being honest or melodramatic, you know? But I suspect it's actually pretty good. Will withhold actual judgment til I've had some sleep, though ;)

[birke]

Well, I like it.

Edit: As someone who isn't mentally ill, but has stood outside the labyrinth wondering how to get in.

[kaberett]

Hah. Yes. <3 It's a funny thing, this one is.

& glad you like it, & thank you so much for saying.

[vass]

Good luck.

[kaberett]

Much better now!

[untonuggan]

here and listening ♥

[kaberett]

Have spent the weekend largely asleep apart from people periodically cuddling me and putting food in front of me. It has been very restorative and I am back on a much more even keel, which I am absolutely fucking astonished by but am absolutely not knocking!

[forestofglory]

Take care of yourself *tea*

[kaberett]

Thank you! I did, or at least got other people to, and have had tea and food and cuddles and lots of sleep, and now I am at home where my mother fed me bread and cheese and cheese straws, and talked to me while she put the marzipan on the cakes, and - yes. Good.

[kaberett]

Also, postcard! I have it right in front of me! It is beautiful! Thank you so, so much <3 I enjoy these so; your cards make up most of the ones I stick up on my walls to Make Space My Own (in different arrangements depending on where precisely I am, but nonetheless!).

[forestofglory]

I glad you are feeling better. (Yay for cheese and marzipan.)

Very glad you like the postcard. They are fun to send. I'm happy something I can do helps you claim space as yours.

[worlds_of_smoke]

♥

[kaberett]

Backatcha.

[steorra]

I think I actually mostly understand this one. (!)

[kaberett]

Hee! Thank you lots for saying :-)

[steorra]

You're welcome :-)

[calissa]

Cartography seems to be a theme for you, and one which I am enjoying.

Enjoying less the news that you are struggling. I hope the hermiting brings you what you need (I could use a little hermiting, myself).

[kaberett]

Doing lots better today after getting the major stressor dealt with yesterday, then sleeping & being fed & cuddled & talked with a lot. (I have an amazing polymer, and now I am at parental home with my mother and - yes.)

Re cartography - yes, lots. This is partly because of my mapping project between second & third years ("pick an area, make a geological map"); and partly I am playing with Seanan McGuire's Cartography and partly Cartography for Beginners (poem at the end of the blog post) and partly just the extent to which I've interacted with geological maps over the past five years. Lots of feelings about way-finding and route-making and writing down how the world is, or how it could be, and where there are dragons; and about creating functional objects of beauty.

[calissa]

I am so glad that there are people who love you and are looking after you. It makes me breathe a little easier (and I'm sure I'm not the only one).

I had not seen Seanan McGuire's poem before. Thank you so much for sharing it. It really spoke to me.

I wish I had a little more breathing space to do some poetry/cartography of my own.