Things I've learned from counselling #5

[kaberett]

Well enough is, well, enough.

I struggle with perfectionism. The Gifted Child, artificially high standards, abuse, Making [People Love Me/Myself Lovable], etc. (I'm trying very hard not to be more dismissive about this than I am being; there's the temptation to practise self-deprecation rather than self-compassion, and there's also the back-of-brain voice about bragging & self-aggrandising & talk-it-down-or-people-will-hate-you.)

It's better to write a document well enough than to get myself trapped in the spiral of "I don't have the brain for it just yet; I'll put it off until I do; oh gods it's been three months it has to be REALLY GOOD NOW else SO LOSE FACE."

Hypothetical future perfection isn't helpful. First drafts and starting points are - and that's okay.

Comments

[rysmiel]

That is one with which I am familiar, and which I still catch biting me from unexpected angles sometimes (papersky is still amused at the point a few years back when I found myself saying that it was OK if a certain work project was not perfect so long as it was an order of magnitude better than anyone else in the world doing that thing.) Being kind to yourself is not always easy, and I salute you for engaging with it.

*hugs* if apt.

[kaberett]

Hah. Quite.

Hugs definitely welcome. :-)

[tamouse]

Well done to learn this early as you have. I know it is still something to contend with, and by (our) nature, something that will be ever in contention. The "perfection or die, okay, then I'll just die" is ever (our) mantra, it seems.

Try, try, try again, Fail, fail, fail again. If (we) could just say "it's okay. it's good enough. stop, relax, recover" and believe it. It's a particular arrogance, hallucination, and denial, of real self.

[shadowspar]

I so, so identify with all of this.

There's a snappy quote I heard in a podcast a while back: "A good thesis is a done thesis." I keep trying to remind myself that a good paper that's done trumps an excellent one that's perpetually unfinished. You can keep "improving" it to no end, because you're continually learning and changing...but the fact that you can write a better paper tomorrow is good news about tomorrow, not bad news about today. =)

[pteranodon]

YES this is so useful omg