on the topic of implausible compost

[kaberett]

A got advertised this home composting device on, I think, Instagram the other day, and went and looked up the details specifically so I could be cross about them.

In case you want to join in: their key claim is "Compost in 48 hours!"

Speed it up! The inside of KALEA is equipped with sensors and an intelligent control system, which accelerates the required metabolism needed. A combination of the perfect temperature, humidity, and aeration turn your food waste into a land of milk and honey for microorganisms. The result? KALEA is able to substantially reduce the composting time from several weeks to only 48 hours.

Comments

[sylvaine]

😂😂😂 oh, I'm SURE!

[kittydesade]

MAGIC ENZYMES.

[worlds_of_smoke]

Kalea???

Must be specifically and only for kale. :P

[kaberett]

TURNS OUT that it's actually a bunch of white German dudes going "you know what's cool? picking random words out of the Hawai'ian language and then consistently spelling it Hawaii", as I discovered on doing slightly more digging, which. U H.

[worlds_of_smoke]

-facepalms- Humans. -sigh-

[ewt]

Anything that composted itself in forty-eight hours is not sodding going on my vegetables.

Like, either it basically doesn't work, or it's fucking dangerous to plants.

(Now I will go prod it and probably get even more cross...)

[kaberett]

I honestly can't tell if I think it makes it better or worse that they're actually anticipating most stuff taking Decidedly Longer than 48h.

[ewt]

OK it seems to chop it up for you, quick-ferment it, then... dehydrate it? So you get part-fermented, dehydrated biomass waste. And some distilled (-ish?) water.

That's.. not as terrible as I thought, but it does feel like cheating, and I bet it takes a lot of energy.

(I have thought about setting aside a blender jug for compost stuff because I am routinely bad at chopping things up small enough. But I can't get spare blender jugs for my current blender because it's a cheap knockoff, and I don't really want to use the same one for compost as I do for my breakfast, so, it'll wait until I have to replace the unit.)

(Also there is someone at the allotment who routinely dumps a bunch of wood shavings -- not wood chips -- on their raised beds, and I wonder where they are getting them, because that plus blenderized food waste *would* probably break down pretty fast, but it's only really worth it if the wood shavings are free. And untreated, of course.)

[cosmolinguist]

The person writing this ad copy had so much fun though. "A land of milk and honey for microorganisms!"

[kaberett]

They quote an anticipated energy usage somewhere on one of the pages! It's Not Very Much, they say!

I am... dubious and kind of squinting at the whole thing as though it's cheating, yes. They do at least acknowledge that long-form compost is Even Better.

[ewt]

They say it's like a typical coffee machine. But I can't tell if they mean "in typical use" or "if you made coffee constantly for a year".

[sporky_rat]

If it composts in less than a week, I don't want it near me.