Someone on the Internet is wrong

[kaberett]

Ableism, cissexism, biological essentialism, racism, etc, which I wish to vent about to a sympathetic audience.

1. A few weeks (months?) ago, a member of the Captain Awkward commentariat (I think -- I didn't make a note or engage because it was clear it was going to Bother Me and I wanted to minimise the options for neg-stimming) opined that Counselling Isn't Supposed To Be A Life Sentence, you're supposed to go along and Work On Your Problem and then You Will Fix It and You Won't Have To Stay In Therapy (Like Those Crazy People). In the context, I think, of how to break up with a therapist, and how it was a totally normal and natural and expected part of any therapeutic relationship because nobody should expect therapy to be a long-term commitment. I have been seething about this on and off ever since. (I am having to sit on my hands hard to avoid going to dig up the actual comment, because it will just make me cross and unhappy.)
   
2. FB has been advertising a study to me that is billed as building an adult autism screening questionnaire, made by those with autism. WEIRDLY ENOUGH they're WAY MORE INTERESTED in engaging with parents of autistic people who were diagnosed in childhood than with me, an autistic academic diagnosed as an adult with special interests around medical advocacy. It took me way too long to get around to reading their About page, which specifies that they are "working to find environmental causes for the increase in autism". I am well awrae that I shouldn't really be surprised that people who are trying to eliminate us don't want to engage with us, and it's probably overall beneficial for me to be giving them pushback over how terrible this is, but I'm not sure if it rises to the level where I can make a complaint to the university ethics board that approved the study.
   
3. My new favourite subtype of quietly TERFy politically active cis women? The ones who post about having discount vouchers for menstruation-absorbing underwear who, when you politely enquire why they felt the need to include "(don't worry gents, not for you)" respond "it was lighthearted and intended to diffuse any discomfort around the subject matter. I’m sorry you found it something to be irritate by." ... and then go weirdly and inexplicably completely silent when you -- still politely -- explain that you're not irritated, just curious about why they're more concerned about the potential (socialised, misogynist) discomfort of cis men with discussion of menstruation than the completely avoidable and unnecessary exclusion of trans people.
   
4. At least this morning's egregious cissexists (it's "empirically incorrect" for people to point out that they're women, "biological sex" is absolutely meaningful objective fact and in no way a social construct, gender is exactly the same as race and height and so it's precisely as meaningless to correct other people on the Objective Fact of your gender as it is to correct people on the Objective Fact of your height, etc etc etc) were already being countered by two dudes, with citations, one of whom has gone off into an actually delightful side conversation about bees with me. (Plus I got to be all "it's poor form to conflate the enormous importance of social constructs and 'objective truth', particularly in social species", which is how we got on to bees in the first place.)

... okay I feel a bit better for having written that pile of nonsense down, good.

Comments

[surpassingly]

I was going to be all "DDDDDDDDDDDDDD:" at #1 and then I read #2 and then #3 and #4 and I'm just very DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: at everything here, wtf wtf wtf wtf eff those people.

[kaberett]

IT IS ALL VERY.

[cosmolinguist]

Sending love.

[kaberett]

Thank you. <3

[rmc28]

:-(

But at least bees are good.

[kaberett]

Bees are so good. The Australian blue-banded bee is my favourite, to nobody's surprise.

[fyreharper]

Blue! Banded! Bee! :D

I had not met this adorable wee beastie before! (Who’s a pretty bee then...)

[sfred]

:-/

[kaberett]

Thank you. <3

[vass]

*hisses*

[kaberett]

PRETTY MUCH.

(Of course, having given up on being ~reasonable~ at the Parents Autism Project people I'm now having an adrenaline spike about them having got around to responding to me again, three days later...)

[alexseanchai]

Yay bees!

[kaberett]

BEES. Do you know about the Australian blue-banded bee?

[alexseanchai]

Ooo?

[worlds_of_smoke]

oh, people.

-offers hugs-

[kaberett]

Thank you. <3

[sebastienne]

"I’m sorry you found it something to be irritate by" is just the Most bullshit.

Or I would say that, if it weren't for all the rest of this crap...

[kaberett]

I take petty satisfaction that that's a direct copy-and-paste from the edited version of the comment.

I am hoping that having Written This Down (or, more accurately, sought validation that It Is Bullshit from people I trust) will mean that it stops sneaking up on me when I'm not expecting it in order to make me cross all over again...

[azurelunatic]

I *remember* #1! Someone has Gently But Firmly pushed back in comments, in the "yeah I am clearly doing this Different From You but having a paid professional to bounce random shit off of is a very helpful part of my life which I do not intend on giving up even though I am doing well".

[kaberett]

OH SPLENDID THANK YOU. It is an enormous relief to know that that got Dealt With; maybe now I can stop having the argument in my head intermittently.

[silveradept]

Very no to those people who are clearly in the wrong.

[kaberett]

<3 thank for validation, much appreciated

[hilarita]

Bees! Bees! Perhaps we can cover the researchers, and cissexists and etc in bees!

Though possibly the ethics committee would complain that it's not fair on the bees, and we should respect the bees, because bees are great.

Cover them in *virtual* bees.

[kaberett]

Blue-banded bees are great and I love them.

THANK YOU for the validation.

[fyreharper]

Virtual bees yesssssss.

(Real bees are too good for that. Srsly think the bees are the things I cry hardest about when rereading Robin McKinley’s Chalice)

[fyreharper]

I mean okay gender is I guess closer to race than height given that race is kind of also a social construct and height is *actually* an objective measurable thing? But I am a little boggled at the claim that it is meaningless to correct people about your gender “just like” it is meaningless to correct people about your race or height when people get those things wrong. Just. I mean. Are they even thinking??? Their argument does not even argue the thing they think it does! :scowl at illogic:

[kaberett]

I mean yes race is also very much a social construct AND ALSO A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT but I did not, quite, feel like getting into *that* with this particular white dude because I... did not think there were any possible positive outcomes from so doing, and a fairly high probability it would make him decide (if he hadn't already) that racism isn't real... :-/

[fyreharper]

>_<

Yep. Bees seem like the appropriate answer here.

[meneltarma]

...wait till the people in #4 find out that race is a social construct and height is a culturally subjective measurement measured differently in different places...

Which is all to say: no. bad, but at least there are bees.

Also I am very tired of Woke Cis Women who deliberately exclude trans people and then act like as cis women they are incapable of harm, and they are the loudest and most inescapable social activist in my social circles. Or they were misgendered once because of their haircut so now know what it is like to be non-binary (sob).

[kaberett]

HAHAHAHA YEAH FOR SOME REASON I COULD NOT CONCEIVE OF ANY POSSIBLE POSITIVE OUTCOME TO PATIENTLY EXPLAINING TO THIS PERSON IN PARTICULAR THAT RACE IS ALSO A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT.

I was honestly kind of surprised that "why do you care so much about the potential discomfort of cis men" shut this one up.

[azurelunatic]

On a hopeful note for perhaps *some* of the #3s, some years ago I had a vigorous debate about Some Fucking Dude with Purple. Bless him, he's genuinely well intentioned (and socialized as a man). A few days later, Purple came back to the topic to apologise to me, for taking the side of some dude they didn't even know against me-his-friend. In Purple's case, the intervening days of silence were "oh shit, I think I fucked that one up..."

[kaberett]

<333

(They've now commented SOMEWHERE on the post but I'm having an adrenaline spike about even vaguely considering going to have a look at it... WHAT IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY LOVELY AND THEY WERE JUST ENTIRELY REASONABLY NOT DEALING WITH WORK FOR THE WEEKEND, ALEX? Then, Alex, the response won't be awful, they'll understand you choosing not to invest more time, and they'll be grateful for the work you've done for them and understanding of your frustration.)

[ironed_orchid]

BEES!

People can be terrible, but bees are usually a delight.

[divulge]

Urgh. Much love to you <3