(a collision of other people's words)
Apr. 13th, 2015 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaberettklar, dass sind nur Träumen
und dass sind nicht deinen
dass sind meinen
doch die funktionieren dafur
(Virginia Jetzt!)
On good days it's progress. On bad days it's submission. (recessional)
(I was explaining tosebastienne earlier that I don't have much by way of volition at the moment; wanting things is something people get to have, not something I deserve. So, yes, I'm substituting other people's judgment for my own at the moment, but what this means in practice is that the gulf of knowledge-not-belief is one I will cross - or perhaps, merely, not be swallowed by - on the tightrope of other people believing for and about me, for now. I don't think this is a healthy long- or even medium-term strategy; I do think that at the moment it is less bad than my other options. And, importantly, so far as I am ceding judgment and decisions to others, it's people I know will hold them in trust for me, to be returned when they're a load I can bear again without breaking.)
und dass sind nicht deinen
dass sind meinen
doch die funktionieren dafur
(Virginia Jetzt!)
On good days it's progress. On bad days it's submission. (
recessional)(I was explaining to
sebastienne earlier that I don't have much by way of volition at the moment; wanting things is something people get to have, not something I deserve. So, yes, I'm substituting other people's judgment for my own at the moment, but what this means in practice is that the gulf of knowledge-not-belief is one I will cross - or perhaps, merely, not be swallowed by - on the tightrope of other people believing for and about me, for now. I don't think this is a healthy long- or even medium-term strategy; I do think that at the moment it is less bad than my other options. And, importantly, so far as I am ceding judgment and decisions to others, it's people I know will hold them in trust for me, to be returned when they're a load I can bear again without breaking.)
(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 12:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 01:09 am (UTC)I've e-mailed my supervisor 1. my scrappy notes that she'll be cross about and 2. the statement that I need to take a month off; and I've dosed myself with benzos; and once they hit a little harder (next ten minutes or so) I am going to shift to bed.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 01:29 am (UTC)wish I had more to say but I don't really except that I'm here and loving and all that even when silent
also that I much enjoy VJ!
(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 07:59 am (UTC)In all the things I have lost through depressive illness, I think that passivity hast cost me the most.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 10:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 01:21 pm (UTC)I'm thinking of you.
(Und danke für eine andere Deutsche Band zu hören.)
(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 04:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-04-13 08:46 pm (UTC)