The thing I learned, that I needed to survive, was to make myself small.
Oh, Hell, revelation time.
My initial reaction was 'I don't think I ever learnt that', and that remains true in certain contexts and probably feeds into some of the issues I had at work. But I just looked at it again and realised it does apply in some other contexts - I was bullied pretty extensively at school, with the specific aim of making me lose control ('hoy a mega' as the local slang had it then, 'throw a paddy' would be the modern equivalent, and I'm beginning to wonder if 'have a meltdown' would be equally applicable). And in learning to resist that, to overly control my reactions, I did make myself small. I survived, but at what cost?
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-06 12:44 pm (UTC)Oh, Hell, revelation time.
My initial reaction was 'I don't think I ever learnt that', and that remains true in certain contexts and probably feeds into some of the issues I had at work. But I just looked at it again and realised it does apply in some other contexts - I was bullied pretty extensively at school, with the specific aim of making me lose control ('hoy a mega' as the local slang had it then, 'throw a paddy' would be the modern equivalent, and I'm beginning to wonder if 'have a meltdown' would be equally applicable). And in learning to resist that, to overly control my reactions, I did make myself small. I survived, but at what cost?
Need to think about this. Thank you.