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kaberettPart 1: sexuality & relationships
SEXUALITY. IT IS SO WEIRD. Right so the deal here is: around the age of 13 I realised that being attracted solely to women (at that point) might mean I wasn't 100% straight. Thus the end of my religious practice, via excursions and alarums. I was fairly settled into an identity as bi by 14-15. Monosexuality makes absolutely no intuitive sense to me - never has - so I was absolutely baffled when I went through a phase in my late teens and early twenties of being entirely and very specifically monosexual (as a side-effect of some of the medication I was on at the time). Still makes no sense to me. Ergo as far as sexuality goes, I am a great big I Don't Even. At the moment my perplexity is mostly centred around whether I experience sexual desire: the answer is sometimes, but unpredictably. Once I have got my head round experiencing desire towards a given individual it is fairly simple to get me to do so again; on the other hand if I've a longstanding friend or partner with whom I am not (for whatever the reason) in the habit, it is rather harder (hurr hurr) to come (hurr hurr) by.
Relationships: I don't know!! Mostly I seem to go "you are nice I want to spend more time talking with you I think you're fascinating and you feel safe and maybe I want to put my face on your face???" A formalisation of "you are a person who I would like to be in low-grade contact with about how your day has gone and what you're up to", sometimes but definitely not always with "I would like to make a household with you because you are someone I would like to come home to". Someone I am always happy to feed; someone whose presence I find reassuring and would like to negotiate to spend significant time in the vicinity of if not always interacting. Pretty much. Sort of? Again, this is something that I pretty much make up as I go along; and it is very much the case that basically it comes out of finding people fascinating and wanting to spend as much time as possible working out what makes an individual tick, and having them be willing to let me rummage. People I can make laugh easily! People who make me laugh! People with whom there is a mutual fascination, yes.
Part 2: penises
They are really really funny. They are ridiculous and hilarious and strike me as staggeringly inconvenient. In dysphoria terms,in certain contexts I occasionally want one, but mostly I am comfortable with my physical set-up genitals-wise as it, give or take the Disease. Insofar as I am capable of taking them at all seriously ever it is as a means to get reactions out of partners, because getting reactions out of partners means I am finding things out about how their brains work, and brains are pretty well always interesting.
SEXUALITY. IT IS SO WEIRD. Right so the deal here is: around the age of 13 I realised that being attracted solely to women (at that point) might mean I wasn't 100% straight. Thus the end of my religious practice, via excursions and alarums. I was fairly settled into an identity as bi by 14-15. Monosexuality makes absolutely no intuitive sense to me - never has - so I was absolutely baffled when I went through a phase in my late teens and early twenties of being entirely and very specifically monosexual (as a side-effect of some of the medication I was on at the time). Still makes no sense to me. Ergo as far as sexuality goes, I am a great big I Don't Even. At the moment my perplexity is mostly centred around whether I experience sexual desire: the answer is sometimes, but unpredictably. Once I have got my head round experiencing desire towards a given individual it is fairly simple to get me to do so again; on the other hand if I've a longstanding friend or partner with whom I am not (for whatever the reason) in the habit, it is rather harder (hurr hurr) to come (hurr hurr) by.
Relationships: I don't know!! Mostly I seem to go "you are nice I want to spend more time talking with you I think you're fascinating and you feel safe and maybe I want to put my face on your face???" A formalisation of "you are a person who I would like to be in low-grade contact with about how your day has gone and what you're up to", sometimes but definitely not always with "I would like to make a household with you because you are someone I would like to come home to". Someone I am always happy to feed; someone whose presence I find reassuring and would like to negotiate to spend significant time in the vicinity of if not always interacting. Pretty much. Sort of? Again, this is something that I pretty much make up as I go along; and it is very much the case that basically it comes out of finding people fascinating and wanting to spend as much time as possible working out what makes an individual tick, and having them be willing to let me rummage. People I can make laugh easily! People who make me laugh! People with whom there is a mutual fascination, yes.
Part 2: penises
They are really really funny. They are ridiculous and hilarious and strike me as staggeringly inconvenient. In dysphoria terms,in certain contexts I occasionally want one, but mostly I am comfortable with my physical set-up genitals-wise as it, give or take the Disease. Insofar as I am capable of taking them at all seriously ever it is as a means to get reactions out of partners, because getting reactions out of partners means I am finding things out about how their brains work, and brains are pretty well always interesting.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-20 10:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-20 10:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 12:18 am (UTC)I'm pretty sure i'm almost 100% straight, cis and...maybe demisexual? I have had two partners and a small handful of crushes in my entire life and crushes notwithstanding i really can't imagine wanting to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone i didn't know very, very well and whose brain i hadn't already fallen in love with. Maybe i'm just very particular, though. My actual libido tends to fluctuate a LOT over periods of months, though.
/tmi.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 06:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-24 01:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 06:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 07:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 07:25 pm (UTC)Bodies just aren't very well thought out, are they?
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 07:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 08:02 pm (UTC)EDIT: oh, possibly billions. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_evolutionary_history_of_life disagrees with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolutionary_history_of_life about when life appeared.
Perhaps any coincidentally passing geologist could fill us in?
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-22 09:20 am (UTC)Bodge jobs: http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2012/02/14/mammals-made-by-viruses/ - "oh hey, that's an interesting virus, let's use it to upgrade the placenta".
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-22 12:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-24 01:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-24 10:19 am (UTC)I think what I was aiming for with "reproductive system" was "uteruses, pregnancy and childbirth" which I will try to use from now on. I dither whether to include breastfeeding in there too: it can also cause irreversible damage and a great deal of pain alongside its more pleasant and useful aspects.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-21 07:31 pm (UTC)(Which is how I spent last Wednesday through Monday - elegant it was not).
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-22 08:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-24 01:55 am (UTC)Views of cranks
Date: 2014-12-22 08:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-22 12:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-22 12:25 pm (UTC)