Okay for serious PLEASE don't show me weight-loss stuff

[kaberett]

It is actively triggering. Please please please put it behind a descriptive cut. Please use content notes. Please let me know so I can not. read. it. -- because it does not play nicely at all with my history of disordered eating.

This goes for numbers. It goes for calorie-counting. It goes for target amounts lost. I do. not. want. to. know. If you're not willing to use content notes/cuts, please tell me now so I can unsubscribe, because I need to not see it.

For reasons I completely fail to understand we're now at three in about the past month. I have absolutely run out of cope for asking people politely and individually. Please just don't fucking show me that shit.

Comments

[kaberett]

I mean for preference filter me out or, you know, DON'T DO IT, but the above is kind of an absolute bare minimum for not fucking me up, so, YOU KNOW.

[cosmolinguist]

This shit seems fucking endemic at the moment. Solidarity, and affection.

[redbird]

I don't do weight-loss stuff, therefore don't post about it: but is my current level of filtering on my exercise posts sufficient, or should I put the entire post inside the cut tag?

[kaberett]

That's fine, actually - I'm fine with exercise qua exercise. But thank you lots for checking.

[wildeabandon]

This is helpful, thank you. I'm not doing it at the moment, but there's a fair likelihood that at some point I'll be posting exercise logs again.

If/when I do, the only weights I'll be talking about are the ones I'm lifting, but it sounds as though that's okay? If not then let me know and I'll remember to set up a filter.

[kaberett]

Weights being lifted is absolutely fine and something I actively squee about watching the numbers go up on. Vicarious increased-upper-body-strength squee for the win :-)

[kaberett]

(I mean, part of the reason I stopped going to the gym & stopped consciously logging gym-numbers before that is that - in addition to the joint damage & the lung weird - my personal attitudes to tracking exercise "success" are deeply broken and lead to bad places, but I'm not at all bothered by other people doing the thing unless they're actually dragging in "and I burned X calories [which justifies [whatever food-related behaviour]]", which you aren't, and if you were it wouldn't be a problem because descriptive cuts, so -- thank you, here's some more of my brain.)

[redbird]

Thanks for the more of your brain.

This culture is so fucked up about bodies and judgment that I know there are people who might find my stuff about exercise triggering; I sometimes want or even need to talk about exercise, but I don't need the whole world to listen. *goes to edit the sticky post again*

[jelazakazone]

Yes, exactly. The culture around bodies/judgement/exercise/weight is deeply fucked up.

[ofearthandstars]

Thanks for this. I think I post somewhat regularly about exercise and food (I'm a health conscious eater/mover but I am not a calorie-counter or a portion-numberer or a pounds-lost-person. Is discussion of particular healthy eating/snacking triggering for you?

Also, I do track miles ran or biked or time spent doing yoga for personal goals - it doesn't sound like that's problematic from the above, but I can cut it if it is/becomes so.

[kaberett]

Miles run/biked and time spent doing yoga absolutely not an issue.

"Healthy eating" is something I've got an apparently somewhat complicated relationship with (in terms of perception by other people), i.e. I am very firmly of the opinion that (1) health is not a moral imperative and (2) sometimes a burger/pizza/"junk" food/whatever is the healthiest choice a person can make and I am not interested in policing them about that. So -- "this is healthy for me, right now" is fine; the implication that what is right for one person is therefore necessarily right for all people, or that health or calories have moral value? Not so much.

I haven't been set off by anything you've done; thank you for checking, and I now have the mental flag of "it's okay to ask this person specifically to do the thing if it comes to it" set. <3

[ofearthandstars]

Ah, good! I am definitely in agreement with your opinions and I am not of the mindset of policing what other people eat, but since I do have health issues that are affected by food I sometimes write about it from a healthy-for-me perspective. I do have friends that are sensitive to any sort of discussion of it from time-to-time, though, so I usually put anything questionable beyond the cut. ♥

[kaberett]

<3

[rjw76]

Relatedly: a food can be mentally healthy as well as or instead of physically healthy, which is something sadly often forgotten.

[kaberett]

Yes! Precisely!

[untonuggan]

Or: there are no better options; the "healthy" food has too much fiber for your gut right now; the "healthy" food will feed the weasels; all the other things.

[shehasathree]

blargh.

[jelazakazone]

+1 (I have zero spoons, at the moment, apparently).

[liv]

Thanks for the reminder. I think I'm fairly conscious that this kind of stuff can be triggering, and try to cut anything that might be related, but I can always stand to be more careful.

[kaberett]

Thanks for checking in; I haven't had any problems with your stuff, FWIW. (Which obviously doesn't mean that other people might not! But does mean that there's no call to change behaviour on my account.)

[untonuggan]

Just a check in: if I rant about doctors nagging me about any of the above, I try to be conscious of content notes and also not saying words that can be triggers, but sometimes my RAGE at them overrides ability to think of everything to list in a content note. Will of course try to be extra-conscious of this one, AND i wanted to check and see if this was a particular trigger for *you*.

♥

sorry so many of your triggers have been flaring all at once lately. It sucks when they're all in a clusterfuck; makes copes that much harder. also, thank you for letting us know!

[kaberett]

Doctor-ranting = fine. (It's honestly mostly the uncritical weight-loss = good and lack of awareness of what people are doing + the particular flavour of justification that accompanies it that fucks me up; critique of the thing is fine for me.) xx

[askygoneonfire]

OK, so this feels like a fairly passive aggressive entry to me and quite pointedly aimed at me, as well as perhaps others I do not follow.

I'm upset that rather than commenting, or sending me a message, you have written this entry, with the onus then being on me to find it, and respond to it; the suggestion also being that if I don't act on a post I could very easily fail to see, I am actively harming you. That feels unfair, and unequal.

Also, it's clearly *not* as simple as simply cutting all content dealing with weight loss and/or figures as in the comments above, other people ask if their use of figures/comments on weight are acceptable and you have confirmed they are.

The entry to which I conclude you are referring was not f-locked, so I can't filter you out of it. That leaves a cut. Why didn't I use a cut? Because I don't cut my entries unless they are image heavy or over 1,500ish words. I don't cut things I want to say, out loud, things I want or need to be heard. I do use instructive titles and usually have an introductory sentence which makes clear what the content of the post will be. When I come across blog entries which suggest they are talking about suicide ideation I skip past, or stop reading the moment it becomes clear because I cannot read such content without becoming upset. I recognise that you advocate the use of a trigger system; I don't. I did, once. With hindsight I believe it did me, and some others, more harm than good. You don't agree with that, nor should you have to.

You have your rules about how you get through the world and use your journal to fulfil your needs; I have mine. They appear to be incompatible. I therefore conclude that yes, you should unsubscribe from my blog.

I've commented because I want to make clear this goes two ways - you have needs in how people interact with you; they are numerous and can be hard to keep track of for those you subscribe to because you are not my/their only reader. I try to interact with people in as positive a way as possible; regrettably, that doesn't always come off. But I also have needs in how people interact with me - a loud post, with many many replies condemning actions *like* mine *is* hurtful and knowingly - in it's fairly aggressive tone - begins an interaction which I feel can only ever be negative. I did not write the entry I did to harm you. What was your expectation of how this entry might be received by me?

These questions do not need answers. I do not wish to begin a prolonged and ultimately futile exchange in which you elaborate the reasons you believe I should alter how I use my blog, and reiterate the harm such entries do to you. You have made that clear. I merely wanted to respond to your request that you are told "now" to unsubscribe, and offer a response to what reads like an attack. I wish you the very best.

[kaberett]

As is apparent, I am already substantially triggered this week for a variety of reasons. As mentioned, this is the third time in a month that this has happened; the post isn't about you personally, it's about needing to not come across any more of this, because it is substantially fucking me up and, as I said, I have completely run out of energy for asking individually: it is making too much of a mess of me. As you say: this entry was not written to harm you.

I believe all clarifications I have made in comments are to people who have been checking in about over-cautious interpretations.

Content note: disordered eating

[kaberett]

To be clear, I really, really want to stay subscribed to you. I think you're fascinating and amazing, and I think the things you say are important and need an audience - but after seeing your post last night it was a good three hours before I could even manage to get plain water into me again. That is how badly triggered I was when I wrote this. And yes, okay, if you need to talk about this in public then that is what you need, and I have unsubscribed correspondingly; but I wish things were otherwise, which is mostly about wishing I were less goddamn ill.

[foxfinial]

Noted.

[kaberett]

Thank you.

[shanaqui]

I have trouble with this sometimes. Like, to me, mentioning having a cheat day or the one occasion I mentioned my bra size don't process as actually being to do with weight/weight loss, just shorthand for "I am taking the less physically healthy but easier in terms of spoons option food-wise" and "wtf, body, why do you make me so girl-shaped?" But I know for some people it doesn't process in at all the same way.

But! If I make the mistake once and am told, my brain will process it right the next time in terms of content notes, so this is carte blanche for you to tell me anything is problematic with no drama, however brusque you may need to be for your own sake.

[kaberett]

tbh I actually don't in any way connect bra size with the kind of weight-loss stuff I find triggery; I find "having a cheat day" potentially very difficult because if it is the easier-in-terms-of-spoons option it is the more physically healthy option in my model - I really don't think there are absolutes, and I am very definite that health is not a moral imperative and the only sense in which food has moral value is, like, animal welfare and global warming and slave labour and shit. Calories, though? Nope.

I... also have a great deal of sympathy for body-shape-related dysphoria.

(And... thank you lots. The last time I asked someone directly, it Did Not Go Well, of the level of "three day triggering discussion" and "journal owner's commentariat weighing in to be sarcastic about how ~sensitive~ I was being". So... yeah. So, so out of spoons.)

[syntaxofthings]

if it is the easier-in-terms-of-spoons option it is the more physically healthy option in my model
yes so much this +1

[pipisafoat]

This keeps happening to me at work, people talking about it and then actively criticizing my personal choices to my face. I can't seem to make them understand, so I have adopted "unsubscribe" to my meatspace equivalent, which appears to be "hide in a book for the lunch hour, because it's very easy for me to ignore everyone when reading". I hope you get all the cuts and notes and unsubscribing you need from this. Also I love you, though that's a bit off topic.

[elialshadowpine]

I try really hard to be aware of this, but I have fibro fog and may sometimes forget, or not realize something is a problem. (I cut for the more obvious stuff like numbers and sizes and inches; most of what I talk about is in relation to my disordered eating in the past or ranting about fat shaming doctors, or fat acceptance/positivity.) If I miss something, please let me know? I absolutely don't want to trigger anyone, and if I'm doing so accidentally, I'd like to know about it.