[symptoms log] well that's annoying.

[kaberett]

"not actually human"-flavoured insomnia (last night's was insomnianger) --> I probably need to put my AD dose back up. Urgh. Which means I need to decide when. Which I can't til I've had a chance to inventory my stock of citalopram because I'm not sure whether I've enough to take me through to my next GP appt and I am not sodding making another one.

Also I should try to give myself another week to see if I stabilise, I suppose? But "not actually human" tends to be a pretty good indicator of brainwrong.

Comments

[quirkytizzy]

I've never been on citalopram (and I can't do many AD's to begin with) but I do know it's a med that has to have a continued stream in your body for it to do any good. Like, trying a higher dose and then running out - even if it turns out that WILL help - will likely plummet you into the crazies because your bloodstream doesn't have the same levels of the medication in it anymore.

Also I would say "not actually human" is a big indicator of brainwrong. Very accurate observation there - trust that.

How long has it been on this particular dose? Is there a way you can call your doctor and talk beforehand? Or how about your counselor? They might have resources to pharmacies or psychiatrists that can get you free samples to last if you do decide to up the dosage. If you are feeling not human, then maybe waiting will only make you feel MORE not human.

(I'm not one of those people who will tell you to NEVER screw with your dosage unless you talk to a doctor first. A person generally knows their own body. I just like to make sure at least SOMEONE on my psychiatric treatment team is aware of it, in case I have a bad reaction.)

[kaberett]

I dropped down to 30mg from 40mg a week ago. I knew there was a risk Shit'd Go Wrong hence asking fail!GP for a script for 40mgs as well as 30mgs. She... didn't exactly do that, but I *do* have enough stockpile that I'm pretty sure I can get myself through to my next appt (just under 2 weeks' time) back up at 40mg.

My counsellor and my previous GP are pretty comfortable with my self-regulating this kind of meds. My gynae consultant (for the endo), who is generally extremely brusque, didn't tell me off when I self-medded for something else -- I told him what I'd done and why and he grumbled a bit about how I oughtn't do that, but didn't actually tell me not to, and agreed I'd been right to make the call I did.

Plus I've got some background in pharmacology - I minored in organic chem - so.

I could in theory call my doctor and talk beforehand but I don't trust her and I hate phones. Free samples aren't so much a thing in this country, and my meds are functionally free anyway, it's just a case of getting the 'scrip. Or, as I say, using some of my stockpile. Probably stockpile it is. *sigh*

[quirkytizzy]

Oh, that's right. Sometimes I forget you are in the UK. *facepalm* Lol, my medicated mouthwash had this whole diagram of the molecular makeup of the compound or whatever was in there (I have no idea, it is all Greek to me) and I immediately thought of you! You are now the person I am going to think of when I see something super-sciency.

Well, I think if you have enough stockpile to raise the dosage, and with as terrible as you are feeling now, I would absolutely raise the dose. (I say this and am hoping nothing terrible happens because then I will feel really guilty.) The risk of running out of meds, which seemed like one of the bigger worries, is really not a risk at all. And if the rest of your team trusts you, then it seems like you can trust yourself.

And that's right - you were talking the other day about how awful your current GP is. Ugh, what a douche. I can totally see why you wouldn't want to consult them. (Also I hate phones. For some reason they just consume MASSIVE amounts of mental energy. Written communication is how I much prefer it.

[quirkytizzy]

Also "insomnianger". LOVE THAT TERM.

[cxcvi]

But "not actually human" tends to be a pretty good indicator of brainwrong.

This probably depends on if your preferred way of feeling about yourself is as human or not. But if you feel you usually are human, then yes, it's probably a strong indicator. (I'm hesitant to call it "good", though.)

[kaberett]

I don't always think I'm human-shaped, in fact, but for me that particular flavour of not-really-human is... very distinctive.