[rec] Jo Walton's sonnet cycle on death

Here you go; and of those my favourites are Grief, On the Death of Beth Meacham's Father, On the Death of Spider, Yarnell Fire, and On the Impending Death of Iain Banks. Via poetree.

On creativity

Some time ago, I asked you what you thought of prompted by "creativity", then utterly failed to engage in conversation or to explain why I was asking.

So: I had been having the kind of evening, you see, where one ends up on a train with one's programmer partner, the both of you dressed in pinstripes, very earnestly attempting to convince aforementioned partner that coding is a creative endeavour... by means of quoting Robert Frost. As it turns out, this gets you pretty strange looks from everyone around you.

And then, more recently, I went on a course entitled Doing Creative Research, which did not change my mind on anything - I was already in firm agreement - but did lead me to Medawar, and the assertion that there is poetry in science, but there is also a lot of book-keeping.

I don't see my science and my poetry as having any fundamental differences. With both I am trying to find new stuff, be that data or forms of expression; with both I rely on intuition to keep my footing, to find my path.

At the Doing Creative Research course we talked, a lot, about the two cultures: about creativity being constructed as flighty, as arty, as distinct from "rigorous" science: about the ways in which scientists shy away from describing themselves as creative because of these perceived connotations of unreliability; which is heartbreaking, really.

So where am I at, at the moment, which what I think creativity is? Making something from nothing, yes, but also: I think I view it as a skillset, as a process, that can be learned; rather than something either intrinsic (a creative person) or extrinsic (a flash of inspiration). And: I think it is about bravery, and trust in oneself, and willingness to take risks in the knowledge that one will be resilient if they do not work as hoped.

Something that That One Gentleman and I disagreed on (or at least, of which I have not yet convinced him) is that making good choices can be in and of itself creative, specifically in the context of writing beautiful and elegant code (but also, really, of anything else). I am thinking of the study I have heard tell of - but never tracked down - that asked amateur and expert chess players to look at a board laid out in front of them and write down all possible moves; the amateurs listed more, because the grandmasters didn't see the bad moves.

I think that probably I wanted to say more on this, but that's what I've the brain for right now; I would love love love to hear your views. <3

Where the gods live

sorrillia noted that I have, several times in the past few weeks, used phrases like where the gods live, and asked me to expand a bit on my current relationship with religion and deities.

The short version is: whether or not supernatural entit[y/ies] exist is pretty much irrelevant to my life. I try to be kind and compassionate and good, to minimise the harm I do, and I want to be doing this because it is right rather than because I am scared of the consequences if I don't. Smaller me, sad and scared and with no idea what to be if not Catholic (but certain that Catholic was no longer a path they could take in good conscience), defiantly asserted that any God worth worshipping would understand this, and any other didn't deserve to be.

Since then, I have come rather more to terms with my atheism.

So how does this fit with my talking about where the gods live? Mmm. I recognise the value of ritual and the familiar (I've known beauty in cathedrals in the stillness of the day): that's why I go to Mass on All Souls', and why I light candles, and why I will sometimes find a chapel to sit in, in the cool and the quiet and the filtered-down light.

And I recognise the value of religious restrictions arising from if you do this thing, you will die; therefore, don't. And that is some of what I mean when I talk about gods, these days: it's why I make offerings to glaciers and pour out libations for mountains, because in doing so I remind myself that these things are large and they are old and they will kill me without compunction or hesitation for being just the slightest bit careless; they insist upon respect.

So: stillness and quiet and a sense of space are what I mean, really: something you can capture a little of inside a church, but which I prefer in a setting where I am physically, as well as emotionally, reminded of the vastness of space and of time. That sense of wonder, of awe - yet not of insignificance - is what I am talking about, because this is an astonishing and beautiful place that we live in, and I can find it easy to forget when I am forever rushing.

-- which is some of what I mean, also, when I say that learning to love a city feels, to me, like learning to love people: learning how to know the lares and penates, and how to find the heart of quiet in something so large.

Resources on trans people for medical professionals

Honestly, I don't expect I'm likely to do any better than GIRES' collection of recommended reading. It's UK-focussed, to be sure, and it's updated sporadically likewise, but - GIRES are folk I trust. I'm sorry this is such a "filler" post, but it really is the best I can think of to suggest: most of my reading is focussed much more on sociology than on actual care, and most of my contact with medical textbooks is via medic friends going "URGH ISN'T THIS DREADFUL".

However! If any of you, o my beloved readers, have suggestions, I would be delighted if you shared them!

ETA though, actually, this brings up a wider point, which is: a huge part of my value, as I perceive it, is tied up in that I know who to ask. Want an expert opinion on preeeeeeetty much anything, and I'll be able to call in a favour or two. I sometimes struggle to remember that this is actually unusual and is something I've specifically cultivated, am specifically good at, and that being able to match up questions and answers like this is genuinely useful, because - otherwise I mostly end up flailing around rather and going but I'm a jack of all trades and master of none, why would anyone even bother with me, which... yeah. So! There's a thing.