I've just realised a thing.

[kaberett]

Content note: mention of self-harm.

It's really, really important for me to feel connected to my body, reminded that I am embodied, and reminded that I'm real. For a huge chunk of my life, the best way I've had to access that when I'm in a state has been self-harm.

Around this time last year I decided that I was always going to have two shower gels on the go, one "warm/snuggly" and one "cold/crisp". I'm actually currently at five.

Also about a year ago, I started getting nicely scented moisturiser for my hands. (On the go at home: E45 with bergamot oil and black pepper added. At work: raspberry body butter.)

And then early this calendar year I got into perfume.

And -- the thing is, these aren't consciously instead of self-harm, and obviously my anti-depressants have a huge amount to do with the ways in which incience of SI is much lower, but -- I think these help too? I really think these help too, in terms of making me more aware of my body and more at home in it.

So: huh.

Comments

[littlebutfierce]

Oh, I totally agree -- this is sort of behind my post a while ago desperately seeking cozy pajamas/bathrobe, haha -- a while ago I started using vanilla lotion & (when I actually use it) it does make a big difference. People laugh & think these sorts of things are frivolous or whatever, but screw them.

[jjhunter]

I do this too - finding little pleasurable sensual things so I don't get quite so lost in the head part of me.

[highlyeccentric]

When I was taking meditation classes, that embodiment aspect was both one of the most useful and challenging parts... (things I hadn't realised until then: it's possible to have negative ideas about your body unrelated to its attractiveness!)

[jelazakazone]

Oh, this is fascinating. I have never engaged in self-harm, although I do chew my cuticles something fierce, but I wonder if one of the reasons I like "heavy" clothing is part of this. I am pretty sure it is also one of the reasons I like sewing so much. It forces me out of my head. Also, cooking does this for me.

Hm, thanks for posting this:D

[surpassingly]

<3333333 So much love, for this post (and, um, also for the comment you made earlier, I hope it is not awkward to say). I've forgotten this, the little -- well, it is not little, it actually goes deep, it abides -- pleasure of scent; thank you for sharing, thank you for the reminder.

I have lots of BPAL too -- tons of imps most of which I don't use -- so if you are ever on the hunt for something, I would be happy to check if I have it and send to you! (omg so awkward but um yes ♥)

[kaberett]

Not awkward! Greatly appreciated! Yes the comment elsewhere was what prompted this realisation & I thought it deserved broader audience but did not want to identify person who caused it unless they were comfortable (so, you know, dear person, if you are comfortable, you totally deserve credit for this!)

Also asldfaslfksjdf thank you if you would be interested I can send over my wishlist? Also aaaaaaaahhhh you ♥

[shinyshoes]

I have a ton of BPAL too...something like 110 bottles...I can't afford to collect it anymore, and funny enough, when I stopped collecting, I stopped wearing it, and at the same time I got depressed and started self-abusing (I don't SI anymore but I think drinking a liter of vodka a day counts as self-abuse).

Anyway, I have more BPAL than I can use even if I wear it every day for the rest of my life. Since I have a lot of LEs from 3-4 years ago, I guess lots are rares now. I'm thinking of selling some of it, I dunno...we need the money and right now it's just sitting there...

(I'm no longer drinking, BTW)

[surpassingly]

All the hearts and hearts and hearts. <3 And yes! Please do send it over whenever you like!

[alexseanchai]

Oh good I am not the only one! Not the self-harm bit, but the flock of scented products, and the 'I am home in my body' sense they give me. My travel stuff has to be unscented because I'm usually traveling to see a friend with scent sensitivities, though.

[silveradept]

That sounds like an excellent way of connecting to the body. I don't do scented things, but a good shower does help reconnect, sometimes.

[calissa]

Like a number of people here, I tend to live up in my head a lot and have real trouble connecting with my body. I've been pondering this a lot lately and haven't been quite sure how to approach it. Perhaps I need to experiment more with scent.

So thank you for sharing this. It has given me something to ponder.

[barrelofrain]

Sort of related/unrelated - I am really sensitive to scents (there are some I can tolerate, but many I cannot), and usually general public restroom soap is fairly awful to me (and then the scent stays on you for ages). Maybe I will start carrying some better-scented soap with me!

[kaberett]

YES ISN'T IT THE WORST.

The thing I hate the absolute MOST is when the sodding ACCESSIBLE TOILETS contain those dreadful throat-closing headache-inducing overwhelming scent-atomiser nonsense.

[forthwritten]

I am a bit unhappy about the orientalism, but you can buy bergamot and black pepper soap - I used to get the shower gel.

[kaberett]

Ooh, that's interesting. I mean, yes orientalism and I will probably not get it (because seriously, five types of shower gel already, not counting the two ridiculous ones I got as freebies with other purchases and have not yet opened >>) but -- good to know it exists!

[pretty_panther]

I agree. I see it as self love, connecting with myself, as apposed to connecting in a negative way.

[ofearthandstars]

I have to agree with this. If we can do little things like this to love and connect to ourselves, then I think we are ultimately healthier and happier.

♥

[elialshadowpine]

My ex-gf used things like dying her hair pretty colors and doing her nails and wearing BPAL perfumes as a way to help with the self harm. It was something that she specifically talked with her psych about, because she was trying to find coping mechanisms, and that really helped a lot. It also, for her, was a way of telling when she was starting into a downswing (as she, like me, is bipolar). Normally she was extremely fastidious about her appearance and the perfume and such were very soothing and calming. She'd know that things were about to head in a bad way when she found herself not caring about her perfume or how her hair looked, etc.

So, I absolutely believe that these things can help. I know for me, with my physical disability on top of my mental health issues, doing things that make me feel pretty help a LOT with my mental state.