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kaberett... how immensely frustrating I am finding it that I am sufficiently psychologically literate and sufficiently self-aware that:
Like I know that being able to face up to and recognise and work with complexity and nuance and "it's okay for me to get upset about XYZ, but the way I'm currently handling that isn't optimal not least because I'm folding in being upset about ABC as well and not noticing immediately because XYZ provides a handy cover" is a Good Sign, and finding new! exciting! ways! in which I'm screwing up is a Good Sign, but dear GOODNESS.
- I can feel everything get worse the moment I get as far as thinking about saying "I hate being like this, I hate being me", and instantly better if I back up and reframe as "I am sad and overwhelmed and feeling lost and unloved and it's okay that I'm finding it difficult", and
- I'm actually getting the levelling-up symptom of "noticing that I'm doing a thing that in isolation is superficially plausibly acceptable and reasonable, but as part of a pattern is indicative of some shitty behaviour on my part that I should Probably Address".
Like I know that being able to face up to and recognise and work with complexity and nuance and "it's okay for me to get upset about XYZ, but the way I'm currently handling that isn't optimal not least because I'm folding in being upset about ABC as well and not noticing immediately because XYZ provides a handy cover" is a Good Sign, and finding new! exciting! ways! in which I'm screwing up is a Good Sign, but dear GOODNESS.