![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaberettThere is a whole lot of Sad going on, not least because The Glorious 25th Of May; it's very tedious; so for this particular round of 2am Misery just have some flail about Orphan Black 3x06.
Paul. I have actually been crying about this. I know fandom pretty much hates him or is bored by him, but I actually adored him on a whole bunch of different levels and in the context of Other Headwrong I'm dealing pretty poorly with him being extremely unambiguously dead (for those of you reading who aren't into the canon, dude got stabbed a lot then shot a lot then blew himself up with a hand grenade) and having made this choice, right--
-- this choice that he'd fucked up but good in thinking that the ends justified the means; that he'd tipped over the limits of what he could justify, and was going to put right as much as he could; that he planned for maximum impact; that his family ("The military's just another family, Sarah") betrayed him pretty much as profoundly as possible, and he used his death in loyalty to them, to be the fire that cleansed them and gave them the choice to start again; that he was pulled and pulled and pulled between the people he (however ill-advisedly) loved and tried his best but couldn't see his way clear, until he could, and -- fuck, now I'm crying again.
I was so hoping that this show might give us Cal\Sarah/Paul coparenting, with the rest of the village raising Kira. I so hoped that they'd all the three of them look at each other, and go "fuck, this is going to be hard but this is what we want". I was so hoping they'd talk and fight and cry and work it out.
And Sarah doesn't know. Helena came back for her, and Felix is so scared for her, and she doesn't know, and she doesn't get to find out. She's got Sarah out but she doesn't know about Paul, and he is going to be buried in a shallow unmarked grave and go unmourned, and he did what he did out of loyalty and love and, for all he'd screwed it up, dedication to ideal.
He saw what he'd done and he did his best to fix it.
Paul. I have actually been crying about this. I know fandom pretty much hates him or is bored by him, but I actually adored him on a whole bunch of different levels and in the context of Other Headwrong I'm dealing pretty poorly with him being extremely unambiguously dead (for those of you reading who aren't into the canon, dude got stabbed a lot then shot a lot then blew himself up with a hand grenade) and having made this choice, right--
-- this choice that he'd fucked up but good in thinking that the ends justified the means; that he'd tipped over the limits of what he could justify, and was going to put right as much as he could; that he planned for maximum impact; that his family ("The military's just another family, Sarah") betrayed him pretty much as profoundly as possible, and he used his death in loyalty to them, to be the fire that cleansed them and gave them the choice to start again; that he was pulled and pulled and pulled between the people he (however ill-advisedly) loved and tried his best but couldn't see his way clear, until he could, and -- fuck, now I'm crying again.
I was so hoping that this show might give us Cal\Sarah/Paul coparenting, with the rest of the village raising Kira. I so hoped that they'd all the three of them look at each other, and go "fuck, this is going to be hard but this is what we want". I was so hoping they'd talk and fight and cry and work it out.
And Sarah doesn't know. Helena came back for her, and Felix is so scared for her, and she doesn't know, and she doesn't get to find out. She's got Sarah out but she doesn't know about Paul, and he is going to be buried in a shallow unmarked grave and go unmourned, and he did what he did out of loyalty and love and, for all he'd screwed it up, dedication to ideal.
He saw what he'd done and he did his best to fix it.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-05-26 01:12 am (UTC)then: darling, I miss you - your music & your musk & your kisses