I learned that I was too loud and too messy and too opinionated and too much and too me.
Oh God yes. Do you find that how much is "too much" is gendered, for you? The first time I ever dressed in drag (i.e. in boy mode) was the first time I ever didn't feel like I was too messy, like I was failing to live up to an impossible neatness standard. (And racialised, of course - my curly, frizzy hair is part of why I can't live up to that standard. Not without straightening it, which is a whole additional tangle of issues.)
And if women are socialised to take up too little space, and men are socialised never to question how much space they take up (and hence take up too much) then to be neither male nor female means to need to think hard about my space needs and those of others'.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-06 11:00 am (UTC)Oh God yes. Do you find that how much is "too much" is gendered, for you? The first time I ever dressed in drag (i.e. in boy mode) was the first time I ever didn't feel like I was too messy, like I was failing to live up to an impossible neatness standard. (And racialised, of course - my curly, frizzy hair is part of why I can't live up to that standard. Not without straightening it, which is a whole additional tangle of issues.)
And if women are socialised to take up too little space, and men are socialised never to question how much space they take up (and hence take up too much) then to be neither male nor female means to need to think hard about my space needs and those of others'.