"Home is where the heart is"

[kaberett]

Mush.

I was on my way home yesterday afternoon, after a long and productive day at work, and I was looking forward immensely to getting in and starting dinner and bread and cake, having first sat in the garden under the probably-honeysuckle with the book That One Lady loaned me in the sunshine eating my current favourite ridiculous combination of raspberry sorbet with a splash of rosewater... and I also wanted to get the tube to Paddington and jump on a train to the highest concentration of the polymer.

But I wanted both of them, by which I mean: I wanted to be going home to my polymer, to somewhere where I could sit in my garden and eat ridiculous ice cream and read books I'd had recommended me and make people food and so on and so forth.

Which: oh.

I love my current flat a lot. I adore living with my housemate. But All Involved Parties Willing, I seem to be beginning to nurture a longer-term plan in earnest.

Comments

[vass]

That sounds like a really good place to be in, where you have both the dream and the people the dream's about, and the beginnings of a plan to bring it into reality.

[kaberett]

Yeah. I had previously taken the general attitude that it was a bit twee; I hadn't understood it. But apparently as of yesterday I do, at least in principle; and perhaps not is, not yet, but - can be; can be built.

I've tended, in the past, to think that anyone who didn't recognise any of This Be The Verse (content note: abuse) wasn't someone I could ever properly be close to, because if a worldview excludes the possibility that Larkin was right, was not overextravagantly bleak and bitter, then we lack a really important piece of common ground. And if they think They Tuck You Up is anything other than disgustingly unrealistically smug and preachy to the point of active cruelty... yeah. Yeah.

And still I find less urge to bare my teeth. Still I feel like perhaps I can step outside my learned protection. It's weird.

[vass]

'They Tuck You Up' made me jerk away from the computer in horror. Yes, active cruelty describes it neatly.

My mother used to have 'This Be The Verse' pinned up on her office bulletin board. With a drawing by me on one side, a photo of my father on the other, and a border of dried flowers.

I often wish that she and my father had broken the cycle of dysfunction rather than handing it on, but I never wish for a worldview that contradicts Larkin, that denies that he's describing some (many) families accurately.

[worlds_of_smoke]

Oh, that's definitely a huge step. -hugs-

[pretty_panther]

♥ this makes me happy. it sounds like you really felt at peace

[alexseanchai]

:)

[untonuggan]

♥

[calissa]

<3

[fyreharper]

<3

[ludy]

:)