{i've never lied to you and i won't start now}

[kaberett]

I have so many feelings about Still Catch The Tide (song lyrics) that I just Cannot Even.

Like, it comes up on shuffle and I'm suddenly in floods of tears at my desk so bad I can't see the screen.

I haven't got anywhere close to understanding all of why I react this way, but some of it is an abuser owning what they did; and some of it is that it is astonishingly true to my experiences as someone pro-choice on suicide with friends lost down that route; and some of it is hearing it from the other side, that it's okay for me to leave. (I am not actively suicidal and haven't been in a very long time, and it's not that I remember what it feels like - tainted blessing, stubborn curse - but it's still a comfort.)

I never thought that I could hold you forever
Always knew deep down you’d have to go home
I can be grateful for these bright years together
And I know you miss the salt sea foam
If you hurry, you can still catch the tide, my love
If you hurry you can still catch the tide.