good things

1. Realising there is something I could plausibly do, and would really enjoy, if academia chews me up and spits me out (or vice versa, natch). I mean, I already keep separate "academic" and "activist" CVs, but it suddenly hit me that the latter is good for paid gigs, too, not "just" volunteering!
   
2. Spent a fair bit of time today with little brother, including him dropping by to make himself tea & loan me some hex keys & complain about how vile my sofa is. BRO <3 etc.
   
3. Seanan McGuire. In this instance for the song Jack's Place, a snapshot of the bar where the fairytales go after their happy-ever-afters, and especially, regarding Jack himself: He says he knows the fugitives by something in their eyes/While he just might tell you stories, he won't ever tell you lies...
   
4. The Enormous Outpouring of Enthusiasm for that idea I had yesterday has made me very keen to Make It Happen. I've done some costings and am pondering putting together a tiny kickstarter/indiegogo/similar.
   
5. Mmm, books. I've read 15 since the beginning of March - five times as many as I managed in January/February combined...
   
6. I have two brothers. Today, my mum (who I'm still not explicitly out to, except by wearing my "genderqueer" button around her and being very knowledgeable about trans* stuff; in part because she remains baffled by bisexuality as a concept) told aforementioned baby brother that she does, after all, have two and a half sons. This is the same mother who tried to shield me from news of Yet More Untimely Deaths, because heavens know she knows those're the last thing I need. I really love her a lot, you know - she's kind of really, really amazing, and I am so, so proud of her.
   
7. I am managing to go through a bunch of papers and actually tabulate all of this data I've collected into Here Is What Volcanoes Do! Which is exciting. Or, well, interesting/challenging/thought-provoking, all mixed up into one. I know I said above about "what if academia chews me up and spits me out", and I know it's 2am and I've been having the shit-I've-not-been-working insomnias about this particular project for the last several weeks, but actually? The moment I get my teeth into it, it is GREAT FUN.
   
8. ... I'm up to number 7 and I didn't even notice a struggle of getting here?! YAY anti-depressants; YAY being back up at 40mg; YAY having ditched the intrusive thoughts in spite of my life having got more high-stress. Experimental result: I'm not ready for 30mg again just yet.
   
9. I've had a lot of moments of "accumulated knowledge is helpful to people" in the past few days: from helping my mum critique/add to Papa's application for Attendance Allowance (seriously the mensch is about to hit 95; has been living by himself in an INCREDIBLY isolated house half a mile down a grass-and-dirt track for two and a half years; has a hip replacement; and still does the Telegraph crossword every day, around which he writes letters to it & the Times explaining that increasing student tuition fees is awful and inequitable and will have a particular negative impact on female students because it will saddle them with a dowry of debt) via giving out info on Planned Parenthood's Stateside HOPE program to agreeing to be a point of contact for a trans* dude who's going to participate in one of the summer programmes I did a few years back... yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about my ability to give back to society right now.
   
10. Yesterday I went around some formal gardens with my mum (one of the ones we visit regularly), and was awestruck and smitten all over again: I love the place so, so much, and I took a ridiculous number of photographs of the dwarf irises and the bright pink hellebores against the daffodils; and this evening, as the sun was setting, my mum showed me her [Christmas/Lenten] roses and... her other gloriously-scented shrubby thing, and -- HURRAH PLANTS. Hurrah talking about gardens. Hurrah gruene Daumen, as we heard somebody saying in the wild yesterday (and had to work very hard not to corpse over); hurrah heritage and tradition and green space.

noldo is a no good terribad influence :-(

I am now in the habit of eating chilli oil by the spoonful straight out of the jar AND I KNOW WHOSE FAULT IT IS.

(however Aforementioned Individual would probably be appalled by the Abomination I am drinking)

(it is aloe drink + rose water + basil seeds)

(I have no regrets)