I broke quite badly a week or so ago when I realised that the reason I'm seeking a PTSD diagnosis now is that I am the safest I have ever been.
I am misgendered where I work and I am misgendered where I live (though that latter only for another week, now, or less) and -- well, we know what the last week at work has been like for me -- and I am still the safest I have ever been.
On the one hand, I think I have perhaps survived too much to ever truly believe I am safe; and on the other I am increasingly building spaces that I trust to at least not fuck me up too badly. And that's important, I think -- that I am trying to build space, not armour, because I am tired of being enclosed here.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2013-12-15 12:22 am (UTC)I am misgendered where I work and I am misgendered where I live (though that latter only for another week, now, or less) and -- well, we know what the last week at work has been like for me -- and I am still the safest I have ever been.
On the one hand, I think I have perhaps survived too much to ever truly believe I am safe; and on the other I am increasingly building spaces that I trust to at least not fuck me up too badly. And that's important, I think -- that I am trying to build space, not armour, because I am tired of being enclosed here.