how is housing what do what is world

[kaberett]

• accessible room w/ ensuite shower
  
• 10 minutes' walk from work
  
• £204/week including 2 prepared-on-site meals a day
  
• gardens
  
• ... twin
  
• ... really Christian (but it does have an Equality and Diversity statement that isn't horrifying)

SEE TAGS.

(Interested in feedback on how mad you think I'd go how quickly.)

(THE OTHER POINT BEING that the application form requires me to lie about my gender.)

ETA okay having read the residents' handbook I... can think of a lot of ways in which it could go horribly wrong? And on the other hand term starts in two weeks and I have nowhere else to live.

Comments

[alexseanchai]

That final point seems to contraindicate the 'no discrimination based on gender'.

[kaberett]

They're clearly not brilliant at the concept of "gender isn't binary" but the handbook does at least say that transphobia is grounds for immediate termination of residency?

[alexseanchai]

nodnod

[subluxate]

Well, I mostly like their diversity statement, except for how you'd have to lie about your gender (which is suck and awful, no matter how often you have to do it--for me, it gets worse every time). The lack of pressure is nice.

But living with a stranger is often... not great.

I don't know what housing prices are like there. Is £204/week decent? I imagine the meal part would help a lot with offsetting other expenses (food, dish soap, sponges...).

The garden sounds nice, and the location is really convenient. But the twin and gender issues are the two really tripping me up. (I also have a kneejerk reaction that involves side-eyeing anyone or anything that's really Christian, such as the friend who sent me about seven long IMs quoting Christian rap lyrics. Or such as this housing.)

[kaberett]

I think I have decided that I am going to fill it out honestly (i.e. adding "genderqueer" as my gender and telling them I'm queer) because, yeah, I also have an allergic reaction to the idea of living in explicitly Christian space unless I know I'll be safe there (I have... trauma related to Christianity & being a massive queermo). If they reject me on those grounds then... I probably didn't want to be living there anyway? And I can definitely spin it as fresh-faced earnest "I wanted to make sure you had all the information and would be comfortable", rather than "OUT TO STEAL YOUR WIVES"...

On the -ish plus side, the residents' handbook does explicitly state that transphobia is grounds for immediate termination of residency.

[subluxate]

I hope the -ish plus means they won't reject you, I really do. Do they ask which gender roommate you prefer? Or do they seem to assume?

[kaberett]

They assume, of course...

... but equally, if I'm really lucky they'll decide it would be blatant discrimination to turn me away, so they'll give me a twin ensuite to myself because they couldn't possibly make anyone share with the queer trans crip ;)

(Unfortunately, that really IS a good price for London - and would be even if it didn't include food. Yes, it's horrifying.)

[subluxate]

When we lived in San Jose, which is a major city, our rent in a one-bedroom low income apartment was $1000 a month. We didn't even really manage to scrape by--we had to keep asking my parents for help. Thank goodness for food banks. So yeah, I know ridiculous housing prices, definitely. They're terrible.

[jelazakazone]

0.o That is a good price? Damn.

The "Christian values" thing would be a HUGE issue for me. I mean, it's definitely a trigger. :( I hope that it all works out and you get the twin by yourself. <3 <3

[sidheag]

(Eta this is supposed to be a response to kabarett's suggestion of putting genderqueer on the form, and hoping this results in a solo roo , but maybe I clicked the wrong reply, sorry) Sounds like a plan. Which would you rather share with - randomly selected man, or randomly selected woman - anyway? I'm not sure for myself!

[emperor]

This seems like a sound approach. I suspect if they were going to be arseholes about the gender stuff, then they'd turn you down for putting genderqueer on the form. Which would be rubbish, but probably better than arriving and then having be crap at you? Hopefully they will be decent human beings, though! Good luck.

[forthwritten]

I'd be concerned about sharing a room and being queer and genderqueer in such a space. I'd also be concerned that it's the kind of emotions-and-a-guitar-and-personal-relationship-with-Jesus kind of Christianity because I have limited desire to get involved in that sort of spirituality.

I say this as someone who spent a lot of time in a student house attached to a Catholic chaplaincy - the religion thing isn't an automatic "no" for me, but I'd want to be very careful about whether the particular expression of religion is something I can get on with.

[ysobel]

The part of me that is an eternal optimist about human behaviour says that it could be okay, at least tolerable. There will probably be a lot of overt Christianity (at least they don't require attending services!), but "Christian" does not always mean "horrible to LGBT/genderqueer" by default. And the application form thing is probably just them not being aware of nonbinariness, i.e. obliviousness rather than deliberate exclusion. (Which doesn't make it okay, but ... yeah.)

Honestly, the twin thing would be the biggest sticking point for me; elsewise it looks pretty good as far as communal living things go.

[steorra]

That sounds like a really hard decision.

[katherine]

Their handbook is fascinatingly detailed, at least about logistical things and furniture and so forth, but I could do with rather more specificity at:
Private morality is an individual concern. However, the laws about such matters as racism and sexual harassment are strong in Britain. We have a responsibility to enable everyone to live here without being subjected to the pressures of permissive behaviour, which can cause offence. Standards of morality at Lee Abbey are those which are traditional in many other cultures.

I assume you saw the bit about meals "Please note that we cannot guarantee that there will always be a choice of menu. We regret that we are unable to provide special diets."

[littlebutfierce]

Ugh, what an awful decision to have to make. Good thoughts for you & the housing thing. <333

[beckyc]

Hmmmmm, tough call.

Reading it, it does sound a nice place. And they do sound like they have a pretty good anti-discrimination policy (which includes religion, so presumably people aren't allowed to harass you or pressure you), but that requires it to be properly enforced.

Also, although I have met an awful lot of people who seem to think it is a requirement for "Christian values" to mean "be really awful to people you don't approve of", they do sound like they aren't that type. At least on paper.

Though looking at it, I note that they pray for residents and hmmm, I can see how that might be something you object to (or might not be). Not sure what that even means (I personally would view praying for, say, someone to have a rapid recovery from an acute illness as a whole heap different from praying for conversion to a specific flavour of religion. Or worse.).

[damerell]

With two weeks left, I think beggars can't be choosers, and they look fairly OK. I'd just avoid ever discussing any problem with them; that's how they nobble people.

[untonuggan]

*sends good thoughts*

[hilarita]

Part of what damerell says; accept, and keep looking for somewhere else.