[in passing] everything I can't afford to know is possible now

[kaberett]

Periodically I will have a lot of FEELINGS about something at someone, and will get to the end of the feelingsdump, and say, somewhat sheepishly, "... I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS sorry".

Facesfriend is in the habit of responding - rather drily - "gosh, how unlike you."

This exchange happened earlier today. (In this instance the topic was Explaining The Manics to him; over the past couple of weeks topics I have Had A Lot Of Feelings About include comparative bus etiquette, the second world war, the Green Party boyband video, the RNLI, space robots, etc.) And it finally twigged that no, actually, I do think of it as Unlike Me and something sufficiently out of the ordinary to be apologised for, and this is probably because I spent at least ages 13 to 21 with untreated severe depression, and one of the symptoms of my depression is generally anhedonia, and I just... am not even a tiny bit used to being able to experience intense positive emotion at the drop of a hat. It's strange and unsettling and I don't know what to do with it.

It's very disconcerting to learn that's not how others perceive me, these days. Internalities and externalities.

Comments

[alexseanchai]

Positive emotion is excellent!

[milkymoon]

Yay, Feeling Emotions Properly. \o/ I experience anhedonia as well and it's horrible. :/

[silveradept]

Intense emotions are good, I suppose, when the alternative has been anhedonia.

[tim]

I know this feel, except for me what's strange and unsettling is the sudden intense positive *and* negative emotions where the negative emotions aren't, like, holding me down and putting a pillow over my face, they're just *there* and so am I.