(hypothetical) periodic table party

[kaberett]

Okay, so, some facts:

1. I am an erstwhile chemist. As is required by tradition, I have a lot of feelings about the periodic table of the elements, its place and role in the history of the field, and the subsequent delightful multiplicity of developments and variations.
2. Earlier today I found myself browsing Bakerology Dot Com.

Bakerology Dot Com, it transpires, are... well:

Our cookie cutters are made in London, United Kingdom, using FDM 3D printers. We use food contact safe plastic materials sourced from the EU, and our dedicated staff meticulously maintain the printers to ensure top-notch quality in every cutter we produce.

There are. a lot. of cookie cutters. Some of which are periodic table entries for elements!

INFURIATINGLY, however, they do not have the full set of elements, nay even the full set of naturally-occurring elements, which is TRAGIC on ACCOUNT of what I now want to do, obviously, is have a party.

a (periodic) table party.

Imagine, if you will, upon the table: a periodic table. 118 different designs of square cookie, neatly laid out, probably in the traditional 2D print format but I'm open to workshopping this idea, with different heights of stack. The more radioactive the element -- the shorter its half-life -- the smaller the stack. You'll probably want to scale this logarithmically so as to not wind up absolutely drowning in cookies, and you're probably also going to want to pin the top end of the range (for stable and pseudo-stable cookies) in proportion to the expected number of guests and length of party, and you might even feel moved to do different flavours for different elemental groups...

... but what you wind up with, apart from "Jenga but make it out of food that will get crumbs everywhere", is a situation in which one of two things will happen.

EITHER you are the kind of person who holds the kind of party where Enough of the invitees will Get The Joke that the most radioactive element(al cookie)s will be consumed first, vanishing from the table, with the stablest elements persisting for longest, OR you are the kind of person who holds the kind of party where the invitees will all out of desperate politeness not want to take the last one of any given element. Either is funny! AND UNTIL OBSERVED THEY EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY IN QUANTUM SUPERPOSITION.