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Entry tags:
{i know exactly what i want/but i don't think i'll ever get it}
Depression, daylogging, etc.
PHQ-9: 16-17, depending on how you want to argue the toss, i.e. currently "moderately severe". Whoops. [Particularly, I'd been pegging myself at 15. I'm concerned that I was underestimating, especially because I was worrying it was an exaggeration - "normally" I am bang-on.]
Yesterday morning I ended up as the only demonstrator to a class of 50 undergraduates (second-years) for about twenty minutes of a practical - the other demonstrators didn't show (one had machine time, one just... forgot to e-mail the lecturer) and the lecturer vanished to get himself coffee. Happily they're my last-year's-freshers i.e. the kids I had in their first time and again in their third term and am very fond of, and they seem perfectly willing to put up with me, and were very understanding and very patient. <3
Today:
1. Spent two hours supervising the MSci student in lab. It is weird being this much of a Proper Grown-Up for srs.
2. Three-hour meeting with supervisor in the afternoon UGH. (IT IS COOL WE TOOK AN HOUR-LONG BREAK IN THE MIDDLE... TO GO TO A SEMINAR) Upshot: there really wasn't anything wrong with my looking through data and not being able to identify any obvious consistent problems leading to my large standard deviations, to first approximation, and we have an idea for how to tackle it, and I'm going to do some Nontrivial Work on a paper that's been simmering along for a... while.
3. Et three meals, looked at one way or another.
4. Went to book club! Book club was good, and meant that I acquired more books from the poetry library (one volume of Neruda, one of Borges) and walked over the Thames in the dark twice, with the Queen Elizabeth Hall lit up in blue.
5. Managed to squeeze in chatting with P a bit.
6. Finished the Aliette de Bodard short I had on the go and then did a FEELING.
7. ... so much washing up. So much washing up. But I have cleared the backlog now (I am carefully not thinking about how old some of it was) and that is a vast improvement that will make me much less angsty about interacting with the world.
8. I have put on bread. In the morning I will have bread and then I will feel less guilty about eating food.
9. I have also tentatively taken the first step towards maybe having a rye sourdough starter??? It is curled up sleepily in a jar on top of the inside freezer and will get its next feed tomorrow night.
10. Counselling on Friday. This is a thing I can do.
PHQ-9: 16-17, depending on how you want to argue the toss, i.e. currently "moderately severe". Whoops. [Particularly, I'd been pegging myself at 15. I'm concerned that I was underestimating, especially because I was worrying it was an exaggeration - "normally" I am bang-on.]
Yesterday morning I ended up as the only demonstrator to a class of 50 undergraduates (second-years) for about twenty minutes of a practical - the other demonstrators didn't show (one had machine time, one just... forgot to e-mail the lecturer) and the lecturer vanished to get himself coffee. Happily they're my last-year's-freshers i.e. the kids I had in their first time and again in their third term and am very fond of, and they seem perfectly willing to put up with me, and were very understanding and very patient. <3
Today:
1. Spent two hours supervising the MSci student in lab. It is weird being this much of a Proper Grown-Up for srs.
2. Three-hour meeting with supervisor in the afternoon UGH. (IT IS COOL WE TOOK AN HOUR-LONG BREAK IN THE MIDDLE... TO GO TO A SEMINAR) Upshot: there really wasn't anything wrong with my looking through data and not being able to identify any obvious consistent problems leading to my large standard deviations, to first approximation, and we have an idea for how to tackle it, and I'm going to do some Nontrivial Work on a paper that's been simmering along for a... while.
3. Et three meals, looked at one way or another.
4. Went to book club! Book club was good, and meant that I acquired more books from the poetry library (one volume of Neruda, one of Borges) and walked over the Thames in the dark twice, with the Queen Elizabeth Hall lit up in blue.
5. Managed to squeeze in chatting with P a bit.
6. Finished the Aliette de Bodard short I had on the go and then did a FEELING.
7. ... so much washing up. So much washing up. But I have cleared the backlog now (I am carefully not thinking about how old some of it was) and that is a vast improvement that will make me much less angsty about interacting with the world.
8. I have put on bread. In the morning I will have bread and then I will feel less guilty about eating food.
9. I have also tentatively taken the first step towards maybe having a rye sourdough starter??? It is curled up sleepily in a jar on top of the inside freezer and will get its next feed tomorrow night.
10. Counselling on Friday. This is a thing I can do.
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I have fresh bread cravings now :)
Does your book club focus on poetry?
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You are the Rye of Hope
I'm quite fond of that. And now I'm *hungry*.
Rye Smile
How is that spelt?
And I rather hope that some will be left when I drop by on Sunday.
Re: How is that spelt?
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My angst recognises this feeling!
Or as the culinary part of Shadow Unit fandom used to refer to starters, you're growing a shoggoth ;)
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Is it worth considering that you have stuff going on in your life, wrt TOG and TOL, that probably takes you sufficiently outside your 'this is normal for my brainweasels' range that it is likely what's messing with PHQ estimation, rather than any worsening of your innate self-metricisation?
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Also, rye-sourdough? That sounds interesting! I like sourdough, but tend to find rye too hard and strong a flavour as a bread (clearly not in touch enough with my Germanic roots xD), so I wonder if the sourdough aspect tempers that into deliciousness? (Hilariously, I've been known to eat all of the rye chips (crackers?) out of those snack mixes, because most delicious thing ever ever ever.)
ALSO, that is the cutest way to describe a sourdough starter ever, I love it. :D