[symptoms log] yeah okay I'm putting myself back up today

[kaberett]

I got myself into bed last night then overwhelming world-is-wrong. So I reemerged and spent about an hour with TOL talking me down (I continue genuinely impressed that I'm willing to have her touch me when I'm panic-attacking) via media various, halfway through which I managed to talk myself into taking diazepam, and now via necking a pint and a bit of water and two mouthfuls of very weak tea I am starting to emerge from the hangover. (I should... probably remember to drink more water when I take benzos, heh.)

Highlights include: twenty minutes spent crying hysterically onto her ankles, absolute executive dysfunction fail, and having a screaming fit in the shower because unexpected texture. On the upside, I have discovered that having someone turn a shower on for me provides exactly the right kind of background white noise that... makes my brain suddenly start working again? So that's nice.

SO YES I think that's the (spontaneously) maddest TOL has seen me since 2012. Iiii'm going to increase my meds.

Comments

[quirkytizzy]

"twenty minutes spent crying hysterically onto her ankles, absolute executive dysfunction fail," That is what happened to me on Temazapam. I'm glad the benzo's help you - and yes, water helps, lol. A lot. I've dehydrated myself the last couple of weeks on the pain meds - astounding how that affects us, isn't it? You've reminded me to get out of bed and drag a water bottle to sit next to me!

I'm glad that TOL was there to help you. Sometimes it's the person who does touch us who helps. Brings us back to earth.

*hugs* Sounds like upping the dose is a VERY good idea.

I like the idea of white noise to help during an episode. Maybe I will try that, too.

[flippac]

Benzos seem to let me let out what's there. If I'm mostly happy, the result is quite different.

[pretty_panther]

I think you're making the right decision upping the meds. I'm glad you did learn some things from all of this but still sad face at it all.

[vass]

Water sounds work for me too. I have a rain noise app for that purpose.

Good luck with the med increase. I hope it helps, and soon.

[kaberett]

Yeah, I have white noise Stuff for at work; possibly I really _do_ need to get around to having a working music player ugh ugh ugh.

[raze]

Oof. Sounds like a rough evening. My sympathies.

[sidheag]

Well, I guess it may help that when your GP asks how you were sure putting the dose up was right you'll now have an unequivocal answer! But that evening sounds no fun; glad you had TOL.

[kaberett]

Quite! Though I'm kind of scared of telling her, given the way she phrases questions towards "you're fine though, aren't you" rather than anything more neutral... was v v glad TOL was around, not least because external views on how mad I am are useful in deciding what to do, heh.

[littlebutfierce]

Ugh, that sounds completely awful -- glad you had support around during that, & good luck upping the meds.

[kaberett]

Thank you <3