PTSD, coping mechanisms, self harm

[kaberett]

Content notes per the subject line.

So as I've been learning more about mindfulness, I've started finding it easier to reach for mindfulness-based techniques when I go into an anxiety attack: take five deep breaths; do a three-minute meditation; list ten good things.

But "easier" isn't "easy" and definitely isn't "always", and it is still the case that very often the thing that will make me notice I am Not Terribly Okay is catching myself digging my nails into my hands or forearms.

I've been thinking about coping mechanisms a fair bit, recently, what between counselling being good for me and trying to work out how to live gracefully with PTSD; and it seriously only just hit me that a huge part of my compulsion to self-injure is self-soothing from panic attacks, and that's been the case for as long as I can remember.

And so I circle back around, once again, to viewing self-harm as a value-neutral tool.

Comments

[tamouse]

SH *is* a coping mechanism, not necessarily a long-term healthy one, but it is a significant distraction from the mental pain. Often for me it is seeking to shock myself out of a downward spiral, a dissociation, something that gets my attention. The subsequent release of endorphins to deal with the physical pain is no small thing, either, so yeah, it has addictive qualities to it as well.

It took a very long time to realize I was suffering from PTSD, and absolutely *none* of my psychs even had an inkling of an idea about the SH aspect, much less the cause of it.

OTOH, from my first contact with a physician who was genuinely interested in helping me, mindfulness has been a key influencing study and discipline I work at. It's most definitely not there all the time (how could it be?) and I often have to work at doing the things that bring it.

Keep breathing, quite literally, deliberately.

<3