J. It is not infrequently the case that your model of grim determination, much as it is clearly awful, helps me keep going. And you are the reason that every time I go past a gingko tree I smile (in getting me to look at them more you helped me understand the other layers I had of other people caring about them), for which I am always grateful -- I think of you every time -- and you remind me to look for small joys (bursting blueberry-bright) and you have introduced me to so much brilliant music I cannot even. I am in awe of your musical taste & I am in awe of your language-learning (it makes me feel more like I can actually end up competent at my mother-tongue) & I am in awe of your fashion and your insight & your incisiveness. I am so so glad to know you; your trust is a blessing and an honour. xx