So there is one particular context in which I had spent a long long long time (years) adapting myself to my interlocutor's preferred mode of communication. I finally hit the point where I couldn't deal any more, and needed them to make some shifts: I explained about active listening and how I needed one-on-one exploratory conversations to be more like active listening and constructive conversation and making a good-faith effort to understand, than the formal debate starting position of "convince me." And this was interpreted as unfairly dictating the modes of communication.

In fact there was a lot else that was fucked up in that dynamic, but I'm still incredibly twitchy about the entire thing - especially because asking for accommodations is hard, especially especially because I can pull off (Highly-Educated) Posh White Lady and therefore have an enormous amount of apparent privilege in this area.