I think my problem with it is exacerbated by fandom. Because, honestly, running around and saying "THIS IS A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. THEY ARE MEANT TO BE" is.... very fucked up.

[tw rape] Yeah, the whole rape arc was... engh. VERY out of character. Spike is evil and I have no doubt that rape was a Thing He Did at least occasionally. But I don't see him doing it as a "BUT YOU WON'T BE WITH ME. STOP FRIENDZONING ME" thing, which is... Yeah. No. It just felt so out of character for so many reasons.

(Admittedly, the whole Buffy show is triggering for Reasons, so I haven't seen the arc in question for a while and I could be remembering it wrong.)