observation

I have, this week, been making a Particular Effort to get myself out of the house and to the allotment even if I will "only" be able to spend half a hour there because I "let it get too late" and "there's no point".

(Astonishingly enough, I am getting an awful lot more done than if I weren't going -- pruning the cherry; I'm making good progress on clearing out the underbrush in my raspberry thicket.)

I am noticing, again, how frequently and how consistently I spontaneously notice how happy I am, while I'm there, even as I resent the carpet and how badly it's derailed me. I'm going to try to remember this, this time; I'm going to try to keep trying.