I recently went up to 30mg citalopram daily, and the main result - if it is one - that I've noticed is that I've started doing stuff
. It's not just that I'm more cheerful - that my baseline mood has shifted from "wretched" to "content", which approximately happened with 20mg - it's that my capacity to Get Shit Done has improved massively.
The areas where this is most obvious are learning and volunteering - and, in particular, getting my hands at least a little dirty with tech stuff.
For instance, some time ago I signed up to Stanford's free online Computer Science 101 course
The CS101 course has the advantages of actual lecture notes
- unlike, for example, their cryptography course, where it's obligatory to watch video in order to extract the information - and of letting you play around with images.
, rather than hiding the real world from you (CS101 uses
, rather than
, among other minor travesties); and, at this stage, of being approximately on-demand. They're currently running a project called Code Year
And it doesn't hurt that they provide you with ACHIEVEMENT BADGES every time you complete a course of lessons, either ;)
In the most practical sense, what this is doing for me is giving me confidence. My volunteering for dreamwidth so far has been focussed on things I think of as largely non-technical: I tag the posts in dw_suggestions
and occasionally submit some, I cheerlead in #dreamwidth, I've done a code tour in dw_dev
and written up how I did it
. Now, however, I've got my Dreamhack
set up; I've been assigned a bug (it's effort-minor but THAT TOTALLY COUNTS); and I intend to get it patched - or, well, let's rather aim for getting started on my patch, to reduce the risk of being eaten by sharks
;) - before bed today.
, I'll think, I'll just make a mess of it, and then someone else will have to fix it, so I'd best leave well enough alone
- and what these websites and these people are doing are telling me that it's okay to make mistakes
and it's okay to not know everything
and those are messages I pretty well always need to hear.
So thank you, #dreamwidth, and thank you the wider Internet, and thank you drugs. You're all great.